#ProjectJordan

Have you ever felt like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and if you don't keep going forward, everything will just fall apart and crumble into millions of little pieces (that you will probably have to eventually clean up because there is no one else to do it)?

If you have ever had this feeling, welcome to my every day life!!

Yesterday, my sweet friend Kelsey, posted this on her fitness page and I felt very convicted by it.

She ask the question... are you guilty of giving your ALL to everyone else and you come last? I am SO guilty of doing just that.

Monday night Casey stayed home from work with me because of everything I was dealing with medically and I just needed a break from life. It had gotten so bad that I felt like I was drowning screaming for help but everyone around me saw my life so put together and so "perfect" that no one could see I was really begging for someone to save me from myself... not even my own husband!

That night before bed, I asked him to talk. I poured my heart out to him and told him everything on my mind. I let him know that I wasn't meaning to make him feel bad in anyway at all but that I needed him to step up and help me more. I need him to focus more on what I have on my plate and when he thinks my plate is getting full, help remove some stuff without me having to ask.

I am stubborn and hardheaded and I don't ask for help. I told him that when I do ask for help to make it a priority because by the time I do eventually break down and ask for someone to help me, it is my last resort and something that I feel needs to be done right then. He is the type that will take my request and put it on the back burner and will "do later"... That is telling me, why even bother asking for help when I know it will be put off and I will just have to do it anyways.

I just want you to WANT to do the dishes!!! Its not about you loving the ballet... its about the person you love loving the ballet!

Please tell me this isn't just a "fight" we have... heck I don't only have this "fight" with my husband but also with friends and family.

Long story short and lets get back on track... I have decided to start #ProjectJordan!

What is #ProjectJordan?

It is where I focus more on me. Where I focus more on what I want and finding peace in the areas that I get frustrated with (insert really anyone's name here) not wanting to want to do the "dishes." It is where I stop trying to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and hand some of the responsibilities off to other people. It is where I stop giving my ALL to everyone else and save some for me. It is where I allow myself to be selfish from time to time so I am not burned out and have crying fest because I don't feel like I can go on anymore. It is where I stop taking on projects for other people and stop offering up the time I am supposed to be focusing on myself to help them out. It is where I learn to just LET IT BE!!!!

Does this mean I am going to stop being helpful? Not one bit. It means that I need to set aside time for myself and once it is set aside, nothing else interferes with it. Not my husband, not my kids, not my friends, family, not my fitness followers, not social media, nothing! 

I am wearing myself so thin that if I don't get a grasp on it sooner than later, there will be nothing left to give. Today I am taking control and I am going to focus on giving back to myself. Today is my day!

Tomorrow... it might be a struggle, who knows. Each day is a new day and I am willing to take this day by day and hopefully one day I will look back and realize that I have a great grasp on this and that the stress I have been carrying around isn't as much as it is now. That is my hope anyways!

#ProjectJordan