Pecos Joe’s Birth Story!

Birth story of Pecos Joe! 

For about 2 weeks I felt like I was leaking fluid. My waters gushed with Caleb and leaked with Dax, then gushed when we got to the hospital. This whole just leaking thing was driving me crazy because I was never sure if it was water leaking or me peeing my pants. At 36 weeks my AFI was 12, which is normal, so I tried not to think about the leaking even though I was dilated to a 4 already. At 37 weeks, I was dilated to a 5 and my AFI had dropped from a 12 to a 7. I was sent straight from my MFM to the hospital (that was on Thursday 12/27). 

As I walked over to triage, I couldn’t get ahold of Casey on either of his phones. I was in a panic and needed him to calm me down. Luckily, a friend he works with answered my call and he tracked Case down!! My MFM told me I would most likely be admitted and I wanted my husband there. However when I got to triage they told me a different story so I told Casey to wait to take off work until we knew what was happening. 

During triage, they tested me to see if my fluid was leaking and told me that all test were negative. They determined that I had a high leak and that is why my AFI dropped from a 12 to a 7 in just a week. They said I was okay, baby is okay and I could go home. I was sent home dilated to a 5 with a high leak... and had so many unsure feelings about being sent home! I was nervous that I would get home and not make it back to the hospital in time for an epidural. 

I got home around 6pm Thursday night, we had dinner, picked up some stuff at Home Depot, stopped for milkshakes at Sonic and went to bed by 10pm. I was woken up at 2:34am with some mild contractions that were 5-6 minutes apart. Triage told me to come back once contractions were less than 5 minutes apart... so I decided to lay on the couch, watch a Hallmark Christmas movie and count contractions. Once I got up to move to the couch, I started leaking again. I knew I wasn’t peeing, so I decided to do the pooling test (laying down for 30-45 minutes, then stand up to see if waters come leak again). I did this a couple of times and went through 3 pair of undies. I kept telling myself I would wait for Casey to wake up for work at 6am and then tell him to see if he thought we should go back to triage or not. 

At 5:15am, I was walking back to our bedroom (for some dry undies) and a huge gush of waters fell on my kitchen tile. It stopped me in my tracks... then I started walking again and another big gush came out. I finally made it to the bedroom, leaking the whole way, and woke Casey up to tell him we needed to get to the hospital because my water broke!! 

I stood in my kitchen, naked from the waist down while standing on a towel while Casey got dressed, got Dax up and got him dressed and then we headed to my mother in laws to drop Dax off. (Caleb was at his dads house).

We made it to the hospital around 7am, which was shift change, so it took a while for us to be seen. When the doctor finally came in, they tested me again to see if it was my water breaking and told me the test was negative AGAIN!!! I was super annoyed!!! I know for a fact my water broke! They checked me and I was dilated to a 6. The doctor said “I am not sure if we are going to admit you or not, let me go talk to your doctors office and we will figure out a plan.” 

I was PISSED!!! I am dilated to a 6. Contracting every 5 minutes. And my water broke but they didn’t believe me!! Finally at 9am they decided to admit me. I was wheeled to labor and delivery and around 9:30am the on call doctor came in to break my water and start pitocin. When she went to beak my water, she said “oh wow, there isn’t anything to break.” 

UMM YEAH BECAUSE I ALREADY TOLD YOU, MY WATER BROKE AT HOME!!! 

I decided at 10:30am to get my epidural, the nurse checked me and told me I was dilated to a 7. I had told my friends and family (and photographer) that it would be late afternoon/early dinner time and to not rush to get to the hospital. After the nurse checked me when I got the epidural, she said I needed to call everyone back because this baby would be here by noon! 

Boy was she right!! At 11:45ish she checked me again and I was a 10!! They called the doctor and I started pushing around noon. 

Pecos Joe Flowers joined the world at 12:12pm!!! 

Pecos' Nursery

What better way to get excited about a baby, no matter the gender, than decorating the nursery?! I love love love to decorate. I love the freedom I have to make a blank room into something from my dreams. It usually starts off with me pitching the idea to my husband (and family and friends) and them not being sure of my vision... but by the end, they are always on board and seeing my vision!!

Pecos' nursery was no different. I wanted BOLD colors. I decided on blue and green stripes and let my husband pick the shades. The green ended up being like Nickelodeon slime!! I was scared but excited because... B-O-L-D!! We were given a black armoire and I wanted to use it in the nursery so  that meant all the furniture would be black too. We bought the crib/changing table at Burlington Coat Factory and the rocking chair was from Caleb's nursery 9 years ago. The metal utility cart came from Ikea. 

The sign above the crib was modeled after something I found on Pinterest. I made it out of plywood that I painted white and trim that I painted black. The words are heat transfer vinyl. It is about 2.5 feet tall and 4 feet long. And yes, I am aware it says est. 201... we left off the last number because we are waiting to see if Pecos will be a 2018 baby or a 2019 baby! I will iron that last number on after he arrives. 

The side wall, where the black utility cart is on, was something I created in my head. First I wanted the arrows and then when they arrived I decided to paint them and realized that if they were on the wall alone they would look weird... so I decided to buy a HUGE letter P. Well the problem there was that I couldn't find a HUGE letter P. I found a smaller one that was white so I bought it and painted it black. The metal sign was something I found at Hobby Lobby and it was a God thing. I was literally in tears after seeing all the girl nursery stuff and then I turned the corner and there was that "You are Enough" sign. I could not not buy it! I started to put it all together and realized it was still missing something... SHELVES!!! I couldn't find any that I liked so Casey and I went to Home Depot and decided to create our own floating shelves that I could paint in the rooms colors. The perfect last touch was adding a little blue Indian head piece that my Gaga made for me MANY many MANY years ago. 

The Texas above the rocking chair is actually a cutting board I painted. I bought it off Amazon for like $10! I placed Pecos' name on it in 651 vinyl and put a dot where Pecos, Texas is located. The other wall by the rocking chair will be a cluster of picture frames... I am still looking for those though. 

The wall by the crib that is empty will be where I put a huge black picture frame that I am going to place a picture of Casey's grandpa (Pecos, who we are naming the baby after) holding baby Pecos. I plan on making a plaque under the frame  that says "Pecos & Pecos"

I am loving how it is all coming together!! Seriously it is better than I could have ever dreamed off and best part of it all... my family is finally seeing my vision and they are loving it too!! 

Next up, find a hospital door hanger I love and start working on creating it!!!

Happy 21 weeks to me!!! 

Gender Disappointment

It has been a while... that is kind of an understatement. To tell you the truth, I fell out of love with blogging. I started a new job and poured all of my passion into that. 

Fast forward, we are pregnant with our 3 child. That is what this blog is dedicated to. It is kind of a taboo topic that I think light needs to be shined on. I thought about where to post  this at and knew that this blog would be my outlet. I woke on Sunday July 15 at 5 am and couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to start blogging... and this is what came out. 

Edit - I am blown away at everyone who has reached out and shared their stories with me. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. I remember being scared to share my story of miscarrying a few years ago and through that so many people opened up to let me know their stories... the same applies to this blog now, y'all have helped so much! 

(Edit Cont) - There have been a handful of very rude people and to those I say this... I hope and pray you never have to deal with any kind of disappointment or depression ever in life. If you do, I hope that you are able to open up about it and seek help without being judged. Why judge someone and their feelings, just because you don't understand? My hopes for my boys, all 3 of them, is for them to grow up in a house knowing it is okay to be disappointed because you don't always get exactly what you want... and that it is okay to seek help to learn how to deal with that disappointment because it is healthier than pushing it down and never dealing with it. So rude people, I will be praying for you! 

-------------------------- Gender Disappointment --------------------------

Gender Disappointment is real. Of course I wanted a daughter. Yes, I could have swore this was a little girl. Every symptom and every old wives tale pointed to girl. This pregnancy is 100% different than my pregnancies with the boys. Everyone around me said they thought it was a girl, even my husband. I let myself get over the top excited and I just knew the results would be pink! 

I was shocked, very sad and upset it was blue instead. For a brief moment in time I was sad that I was even pregnant again. It was a feeling I had and it was real. It faded quickly though because in the end I was excited to be pregnant and having another baby, but I was having a hard time learning how to cope with mourning a daughter I will never have. 

I always dreamed of my little girl, since I was a little girl. Those big brown eyes, that thick long brown hair (that she would hate me for having and despise the bows I put in it), that sassy funny little attitude. Being able to name her after my Gaga (middle name Mae)... that love from her brothers and her love for them. Her daddy ringing the doorbell to pick her up for the daddy daughter Valentine dance. Her coming home to tell me she is engaged and looking for a wedding dress. The day she tells me she is pregnant and the day I get to witness her becoming a mom. It was dreams I realized would never come to life now. 

We found out the gender on the 28th of June. I spent a lot of time in bed the following days just crying and praying that God would change it. Casey knew I needed time to process this information alone and he gave me my space. I have always been one who cries in my closet, counts to 10 (sometimes to 1 million) and then comes out to talk to him. He was happy with either gender and it hurt me to see him happy. I wanted him to be sad like I was, I wanted him to long for a daughter like I longed for one. Misery wanted company, go figure! 

The days passed and it became a little bit better to come to terms with. I finally broke down and talked to Casey and we decided that we would wait to announce the gender until we see it on a sonogram. It was the first day I didn’t cry... so that’s what we did. I reached out to a counselor to talk through my sadness and I even joined a gender disappointment support group... who even knew those existed?! Because I sure didn't. I will tell you though, it has been VERY helpful for me. Anytime I get sad or down, I turn to my group and I feel like I can express my feelings without judgment. 

In the next few days of waiting for the sonogram, I started trying to get excited and come to terms about having my 3rd boy. I mean my chances of the genetic test being wrong were 1-2%. I started by deleting all the girl stuff off my Pinterest board. I searched for a cute nursery idea I liked for a boy, and found one. I created an announcement. Anytime I went to the store, I would look/glance at the boy items. I would practice in the mirror telling people "its another boy"... which most days I would cry while saying it but as time went on, it got a little easier. 

Of course there were moments in each day my heart would break again... a friend would announce she was having a girl. I would see a cute outfit I would love to purchase for my daughter. Braiding the hair of my best friends daughter. The list could go on and on. But with each passing moment, the pain wasn’t as painful. 

Besides for the brief moment of not wanting to be pregnant (right after finding out), which passed quickly, I never was resentful towards this baby boy. I love him. I search for his heartbeat. I try and feel him kick. I pray for him. I talk to him. I shop for him. I started decorating his nursery. The feelings weren’t and aren't directed to him at all.... 

The feelings were directed towards the fact that I would never have a daughter. Just saying that breaks my heart... I know one day I will have daughter in laws and maybe I will be lucky and have granddaughters, but it’s not the same. Learning to mourn something you will never get, it is a hard thing to learn. Going through the steps of grief have helped but I can’t fully say I am 100% over it and whose to say I ever will be. 

I know people will judge me for this blog and I know people will think I just need to be happy with what God gave me... but gender disappointment is real and I want people who are dealing with it, to know that they are not alone. It is okay to feel your feelings. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be angry. It is just plain okay! Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t! 

Yes I know there are people who deal with infertility that would be happy with 3 boys... and for those people I would say if I could give you my fertility I would in a heartbeat, if I could. But what you need to understand, just like you long for a baby, I longed for a daughter. I would never dismiss your feelings, so please don’t dismiss mine. 

To end, I may never understand God’s perfect plan for my life as a boy mom but Caleb Scott, Dax Marshall and Pecos Joe I love you to the moon and I am happy God chose me to be your Momma! You boys are wild, crazy and everything I never knew I needed. 

***If you are suffering from gender disappointment, please reach out to someone. There are so many online support groups available to you.***

Another blog I read that has helped me a lot is this one... I urge you to check it out if you are struggling with GD or would like to understand GD better. 
https://www.sammichespsychmeds.com/blue-is-pretty-too-gender-disappointment-and-grief/

Goal Crusher!

In September I made a goal that I wanted to get as close as possible to 189.8 by October 1st that I could. Well, I didn't make it by October 1st.

I decided that I would make the same goal again for October. This time I came up with a reward for hitting my goal. I figured it would help me stay on track...

And it helped!!!

What did I do differently?

*Worked out everyday except Sundays - mainly lifting with some cardio here and there

*Did some 2 a days when I had the extra time

*Really focused on going up in weights when lifting

*Changed my cheat meal from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. It helped me stay on track over the weekend.

*Focused on drinking all my water and less diet cokes (still having my DC though)

*Started the No Off Season Challenge by Fit Like Flint!

This morning, Halloween, I hit 189.8!!!!!

My reward - I am going indoor skydiving on Thursday!!!! The 2 times Casey has gone, I was pregnant. Once with Isabelle when I took him for Father's Day and then with Dax when I took him and my niece for her birthday. I am SUPER excited to get in that tunnel and FLY!!!

My next goal - to fit back into these size 10 slacks comfortably!

When I hit this goal, my reward is going to be to buy a new outfit from OllieMarie!!!

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month

Yes, I have been MIA and I am sorry about that... but I am back for today.

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. Did you know that 1 in 4 women have miscarriages? I am 1 out of 4. July 10th, 2014 I found out that I lost our sweet baby girl Isabelle Mae Flowers after being on bed rest for a Hematoma for a week and half. The silence that fell in the room when the sonogram was being performed is a "noise" that I will never forget.

Losing Belle was hard, probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The thing that really helped me get through it (the best I could) was being able to open up about it. Being able to share my story. Being able to acknowledge Belle's life, even if it was short lived. Being able to hear other peoples stories. Being able to have other women to relate to so I knew I wasn't alone.

I feel for the women who have no one else to talk to and have to deal with this alone. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. If you have suffered a loss, please find someone (a friend, a parent, a co-worker, a counselor, a pastor, etc) to talk to. I promise it helps. It doesn't take the pain away, but it does help ease it.

You will always be left with the what ifs, the I wonders, the day dreams of what life would have been like...

Would Belle have straight hair like Caleb or curly hair like Dax?

What would her giggle sound like?

Would she be a Momma's girl or have Daddy wrapped around her finger?

Would she wear a bow or rip it out of her hair like I did?

The list goes on and on...

I am very thankful though, because without losing Belle we would have never had Dax. Its a bittersweet thing. One couldn't happen without the other.

I am 1 out of 4...

And I am also one that will always smile when I see a yellow butterfly cross my path because I know it is God's promise that my sweet Belle is in heaven waiting for me to hold her again.

12 pounds

Yes, I know the scale is bitch and we shouldn't watch it that much. We should pay more attention to measurements and how our clothes fit. I get it. BUT I do pay attention to the scale and well, that is me.

I gain weight FAST... I mean FAST!!! It is a special talent I have. Ha!

On Dax's birthday I was down to 178. Then, this summer I slacked hardcore and gained weight back and I was fluffy and my clothes weren't fitting. I kept going back and forth from 195 to 200. It is where my body is comfortable at and easy to maintain with good-ish eating habits and half ass workouts.

After my birthday in late August, I was tired of being "comfortable" and ready to kick it up a notch. I started training at 202.2... YUCK!!!! I mean it was no 280 where I was last year, but it wasn't 178 where I was earlier this summer. All I could do now is kick some major booty and get back down.

I have been GREAT. Last Friday I weighed in at 193! That means I have lost 9 pounds the past 3 weeks. Kind of proud of myself... and back on the right track to get down to 178 and smaller.

THEN... Caleb's birthday happened.

I did good on his actual birthday and planned to go during his birthday weekend... but I sucked it up hardcore. I shoved cupcakes in my face, they are my weakness. I licked my plate clean when the pizza was served. And I kept pigging out on Sunday with greasy fast food. By Sunday night, I was highly disappointed in myself and I regret pigging out. It was done and nothing I could do to change it now except get back on track.

Monday, I weighed in 12 pounds heavier than I did Friday... yep, I was 205! I about cried. Well, I did cry actually. This is when I usually turn to cupcakes but I decided to get back on track instead. As of today, I am down to 195... still have a few more pounds to go to get back to 193, but I am going in the right direction.

My goal for September was to be 189.9 by October 1st. I really don't think that is going to happen but I am on the right track.

This weekend, I have plans to workout (something I didn't do last weekend) and I have plans to stay on track without a cheat meal until Sunday for dinner.  

I will NOT have a 12 pound gain again... it isn't worth it. I have had to bust my ass this week to get this weight back off and get rid of the bloat. If I would have not cheated all weekend long, I could have gotten really close to my goal of 189.9 or maybe even hit the goal.

189.9 I am coming for ya...

Caleb's 7th Birthday

My little buddy is SEVEN!!!

Wednesday we let him skip school, because who likes to go to school on their birthday?! We had breakfast with Grammy (to drop off Dax for the day), then made a trip out to Legoland and finished off the day with some Mexican food for a late lunch.

I wouldn't let him say he was 7 until 5:50pm on the dot... he was highly annoyed on me!

Then on Friday, we had his 1st ever slumber party!!! Let me just say, I am still exhausted from this sleepover. EXHAUSTED!!! I invited 14 boys and we ended up having 8 of them show up. I really thought only 3-4 would show up but I guess when you have a free sitter for a Friday night, you accept! I mean, I would!

Having a pool in our backyard helped pass the time. I let Casey hang out with them while I cleaned up the mess in the house... which just got messier when they came back in.

I never knew that Caleb's costume collection would come in handy like this before. They LOVED dressing up and playing superheroes and fighting each other. Please look at Caleb's serious face... he takes being Superman VERY seriously!!!

The boys fell asleep around 12-1am so I thought they would sleep in.. but I was wrong. I went to pick up donuts at 7am and when I came back, they were ALL WIDE AWAKE and ready to eat and play superheroes again... we didn't have plans to leave the house until 10:30am so I had to find stuff for them to do until then. Luckily, it was pretty outside so I sent them out to play while I picked up the house.

I told the parents that I could drive the boys up to the bowling alley where the party would continue. I told them the party was from 11-1 and Flash would be there at 12. No one showed up to help with their boys until the party was over... I guess I should have been more clear. So that meant not only was I trying to throw a party, talk to my family and friends but I was also in charge of 8 little boys because none of the parents showed up for the party. It was a huge bust and I have decided I will never do a slumber party AND a party again... it will be one or the other!

Flash was a HIT at the party! Caleb loved having him there to show off and play with. We had Spiderman at his 5th, Batman at his 6th, Flash at his 7th... I wonder who he will have at his 8th, if he still is in love with superheroes!! I hope he is!!!

After all was said and done, we had an amazing birthday celebration!!! I am glad it is over though, it was exhausting, expensive and I ate WAY too much...

 

Caleb Scott aka Chubba Bubba,

I hope your 7th year is the BEST one yet. Momma, Case and Daxy love you to the moon, to the moon, to the moon!!!!

 

Twenty-Two

Twenty-Two is the magic number with my trainer.

When lifting, he tells me to do 22 reps... or however many I can do. If I cant do 22 all at once, I do as many as I can, rest 10 seconds and try to finish out the 22.

The first week, I was having to stop and rest for the 10 seconds so I could get the full 22. Last week (my 2nd week) I was starting to get the full 22 each time. I was feeling like a beast and so proud of myself...

Then today happened.

(start of week 3)

Today was REALLY hard. I had to stop and rest for 10 seconds on almost everything so I could get the full 22. Some of the machines, even with the rest, I couldn't get the full 22. After a few rounds, I started feeling a bit defeated and I think Russell could see it on my face. Then, he told me that he upped the weights.

Awww, makes tons of sense!!!

Right now I am very happy that I have a trainer because if I was working out on my own, I would have never upped my weights. I would have never done 22 reps. I would have actually lowered my weights so I wouldn't have to struggle or feel defeated. Working out with Russell is challenging me and I know it is going to really help me build muscle way quicker than I ever could on my own.

I will admit, I am SORE already!!!

But... I didn't die!!!

#FlexFriday

Today is #FlexFriday y'all!! Let me see what ya got...

I also went ahead and took my weekly progress photos today because we are going on a date tonight and I am counting this as my cheat meal. My mouth is watering thinking about my cheat meal... that is when I know I need to indulge in my craving and get right back on track. If I don't, I will end up binge eating and throwing all my progress out the window.

Remember, one meal wont make you fat just like one workout wont make you fit.

This is from August 29 to today September 16.

I have lost 8.6 pounds - still have a ways to go before getting down 178.8 (what I weighed on Dax's first birthday) but I am getting there. Right now I am averaging 2.86 pounds a week, so that's pretty awesome. I know it will slow down as I put on more muscle though, so I am not too worried what the scale says. I am trying to go more on my weekly photos and my inches.  

Speaking of inches, I re-measure inches with my trainer on October 10th

Oh and guess what I am doing tomorrow for brunch... meeting up with local Jessie Girls!!! I am so stoked!!! Next week I will make sure to blog about the brunch and about all the wonderful women I meet. Fitness doesn't always have to be hardcore all the time, it can also be fun. Meeting likeminded people will help your journey become more fun. I am STOKED!!! Bring on the Jessie's Girls!!!!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!



Taking it day by day

I have been slacking on my blog, but I am still here... taking life one day at a time!

I have to say, I have been really focused and I feel 100% back on track and I am loving it. From August 2015 to June 2016 I was on fire. I did feel it start to peter out around January/February, but I kept going forward anyways. Then in June, after Dax's birthday, I relaxed way more than I would like to admit. Then in August 2016, I really dropped the ball... skipped workouts, ate whatever I wanted, and just didn't really care all too much. I would have days where I wanted so badly to get back on track and then cake would appear and I wouldn't care about the gym anymore. I was disappointed in myself. I kept telling myself, "after my birthday I will get back on track".

I am so happy that after my birthday, August 28th to be exact, I got back on track and have been on fire since then. I feel so much better about life and about myself when I am on track fully. I have more energy and I don't get frustrated with myself as much. It is like working out and eating healthy gives me a high on life!

I just wanted to blog and touch base with you all to let you know I am still here. I am just focused and back on track... I am basically doing the same thing almost daily so I haven't had much to blog about.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday - Meet with my trainer at 5am

Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday - Steady State Cardio on my own

Sunday - Rest

Eating based on my macros my trainer gave me, cutting out breads (getting my carbs from other sources like veggies) and limiting myself to only 1 piece of fruit a day. Then having one cheat meal a week, not a cheat day, just one meal and one dessert. I did post my menu on my Facebook page and plan on eating that the rest of the month... I like to keep it simple and easy to follow.

I will try and blog at least once a week, but make sure you check out my Facebook page and/or my Instagram (Jordashflowers) page for more up to date progress photos and updates on my journey!

Workouts & Waco

Yesterday was my first workout with my new trainer and I loved every single minute of it. I took Caleb with me since it was Labor Day and he was out of school... the gym has a living room area with X-Box and I thought he would really enjoy that... I thought wrong! He was super annoying and kept whining for me. HA! He did take this picture of me and after my training he told me he was proud of me. It melted my heart and reminded me why I am doing all of this... to set an example for him (and Dax).

 My workouts will consist of working out with Russell Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings at 5am. Then I will do cardio on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays by myself at my gym and rest day on Sunday. I asked him if I needed to lift any on my own and he said not to worry about it.

As far as food, I am eating the same thing I ate last week until tomorrow. Tomorrow Russell and I will talk about meal planning and my numbers. I am ready to see what he has in store for me in the kitchen and start eating on his plan. I can tell that my bloat is gone from August but now I am ready to really start seeing changes in my body. I know that the next 3 months is going amazing and I cant wait to see my results by the end of the year!!!

Since yesterday was a holiday, Casey had the day off... that means all 4 of us were at home for the entire day! That is very very very rare. We decided to make it an adventure and head out to Waco, Texas to tour the Dr. Pepper Museum and visit the Silos.

 

I am a huge Diet Coke fan so Caleb thought it was SO funny that we were at the Dr. Pepper museum. They ended up buying some DP floats and loved them, I didn't try it so who knows!

These 2 guys... have stolen every piece of my heart!

Next stop, the Silos!! Have you seen Fixer Upper (Chip and Joanna Gaines) on HGTV? This is their place! It was amazing and I loved that it was so kid friendly. They had this amazing yard area for kids to play... It was hard to make them leave this area, even when I showed up with cupcakes!

This was amazing!

 

Speaking of cupcakes.... OH MY GOSH! If you are ever in Waco, Texas you have to try the Shiplap cupcake. It is the BEST cupcake I have ever had in my entire life!!!!

 

 

1 Step Forward... 3 Steps Back!

Life doesn't always go as planned.

I never thought that this competition training would be easy.

I never thought that it would go 100% smoothly.

I had trouble finding a trainer and it took a lot of time and asking around to find one. I finally found one and after meeting him, I left feeling good about the situation and pumped to get started.

This week has been amazing so far. I have been killing my workouts (currently using the ones from being a Jessie's Girl) and eating 100% on track (also using the Jessie Girls meal plan). I submitted my measurements and photos on Sunday and had to wait for him to email me my workout and eating plan on Monday. I received it Monday afternoon and that is where it all went wrong...

1st Step Back

I was told that the workout plan would be adjusted for me, you know since I have knee issues. It was not adjusted for me at all... it was a very generic plan. It was also very similar to the plan I was already following with being a Jessie's Girl. He told me in our meeting that he wasn't a fan of generic workout plans and he would write one just for me...  That kind of left a sour taste in my mouth, but I decided that it was okay that I would just adjust the plan according to what I can and can't do.

2nd Step Back

I opened my meal plan. When we sat down and met I told him my goals and what I wanted to happen. I told him I didn't like plans with low carb and that I didn't want to do any drastic eating plans that would make me gain weight right after I finish the plan. Well, that is exactly what I was sent. The plan was based on Keto (basically its medium protein, high fats and very low carbs... like 14 grams of carbs to be exact, I am currently eating 170 grams). He said that this would throw my body into a state of burning fat. Or in my husband's words... this will throw his wife into one of the bitchiest moods you have ever seen her in and she will be hulking out 24/7!

I asked my Jessie's Girls about this Keto based diet because a lot of them have competed and I wanted to see if this is what I should be doing. I have never competed before so I wasn't 100% sure. They all very strongly said NO!!! Even Jessie herself messaged me saying that she does NOT agree with this and that your body needs carbs and she earned her pro card and ate carbs the whole time. She also said some other choice "words" about how stupid this plan is and how wrong it is for the trainer to tell his clients to use it.

3rd Step Back

When we sat down and met, he said trainings will be $45 a session. I noticed on the gym's website that they were doing 2 free sessions with the 16 week package I bought. I asked him about it and said he wasn't one of the trainers included in that package but would honor it for me. He then said that he will do 2 free trainings but that the next 14 trainings would be $70. So basically I can get 16 trainings for $45 a session for a total of $720 OR I can get 2 free trainings and 14 sessions at $70 for a total of $980. Ummm something doesn't add up to me!!! Is it just me or does that seem odd?

Another Step Foward

I have thought a lot about this.

I have prayed a lot about this.

I have talked to Casey a lot about this. 

I have decided to start looking for another trainer. I contacted one this morning and waiting to hear back. I told him that I want to compete but not at the cost of ruining my body. I want to do it the right way so when I step off stage I am not going to gain it all back. Competing is great but living life in a healthy lifestyle is what I want more than anything. 

For now, I am going to continue on with my Jessie's Girl Plan and keep looking for a trainer...