Dax is ONE!!!

As you all know, my goal of wearing a bikini at Dax's first birthday party became a reality for me this past weekend! I felt so confident and excited to be able to walk around my house and pool in my bikini. The party was hectic though so I didn't get much swim time but you better believe I had that bikini on the entire party...

 

Dax had such a great Uno Fiesta! Thank you to all of our friends and family who made him a priority in their lives and came out to spend the day with us. I know some of you had to juggle a few things that day and I am so happy and honored that you were able to make time to come celebrate with us!

 

I was really nervous how Dax would do with a metal baseball bat and a piñata but there is a reason we call him Dynamite Dax. He was in LOVE with beating that thing open. Kind of scared me how much he loved it... oh Dynamite Dax, I love you kiddo!

 

When it was time for cake and candles, he wasn't shy! Actually this kid DUG in... the picture doesn't even do the mess justice! He had THREE cupcakes (2 blue and 1 red) and a little bowl of ice cream. His sugar high lasted for about 2 hours and then he crashed HARD!!

 

This kid, he melts my heart every time I look at him. His baby blues and those curls... he is everything I prayed he would be and more. Happy Birthday buddy!

 

After the party was over, my nephew Tristan stayed with us. He actually came Friday night before the party and will leave Friday morning. Him and Caleb are just a like and even look kind of alike. I have been asked a couple of times now "how old are your twins?". Tristan doesn't have any brothers so he is pretending Caleb is his "bro" it is adorable. The bickering just started yesterday and it is a tad bit annoying but to hear them laugh and have little conversations makes it all worth it.

 

Yesterday morning was Dax's actual 1st birthday! He slept in and when he woke up he went right for his birthday present. This little ride on toy has a little radio and Dax LOVES to dance. He sits there, turns on the radio and just dances... he wont actually ride it just yet.

 

Then we celebrated with donuts!! The boys both had 1 donut while Dax put away TWO!!! I think it is safe to say he got my love for sweets. Sorry kid!
 

Then we headed over to Bicentennial Park in Southlake. Let me just say this, if you are ever in Southlake, Texas and  you have your kids with you... GO TO THIS PARK!!!! It was hands down the best park I have ever been too and all of the kids LOVED it. I even caught Casey acting like a kid again on some of the toys.

 

We then stopped in at Uncle Julios in Grapevine, Texas and had lunch. We picked this place for the chocolate piñata! Best $20 dessert we have ever ordered and there wasn't much left after we all attacked it. Inside is churros and fruit and then you use the dipping sauces on the side. The whipped cream alone was amazing!!

 

We have had a BLAST celebrating little Daxy, Dax-a-roni, Daximus, Dynamite Dax, Dax Marshall!!! I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family and to be surrounded by 3 loving guys. Happy First Birthday little guy, Momma LOVES you!!!

Summer = Sweet Tooth!

I am so thankful it is FINALLY summer time. This is my favorite time of the year, I love having the hot sun beaming down on me, swimming in the pool (and this year we own our own pool) and making memories with my boys!!

Even though summer is here, it isn't an excuse for me to start slacking. I will say, I have slacked a lot more than I would like to admit. I had a heart to heart with Casey and told him I need for him to help me stay on track... then last night he got home (a few hours early, holler) and asked me if I wanted him to run to Taco Bueno for a late night "snack". Geez Casey, way to help me stay accountable!

Don't worry, I passed up his offer and went to bed instead!

 

Summer = sweet tooth! Especially for ice cream... you scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream! Luckily I found this amazing sweet treat that has been my go to snack whenever I want to binge eat Bluebell or Ben & Jerry's. Nothing better than a chocolate chip rice cake with some peanut butter on it. Now if the Kroger by my house would start stocking up on Halo Ice cream, life would be GREAT!

 

This is my first summer to be working part-time and so far I am really enjoying it... however ask me again in a few weeks/month. The afternoons, after Casey goes to work, Caleb and I have decided that will be our time to get some energy out. He bought himself a brand new bike and he is addicted to riding it. Yesterday we ended up walking to the park and back and it took us 45 minutes. When we got home, Caleb said "we need to download an app that shows us how far we go each day!"

 

I am proud of how excited he gets when we are getting active. He loves "working out" and breaking a sweat. He is always stopping to ask me to feel his muscles and when I am slacking, he is there to cheer me on to go faster and harder. It is crazy to think his love of fitness is because I decided to get healthy when he was a baby. I couldn't be more proud of the example I set for him! Hopefully Dax will pick up on this love for fitness too!

Speaking of Dax... You guys, he turns one in exactly a week!!! O-N-E!!!! Maybe I will boycott the 14th?! Haha!!! Seriously though, where did the time go? I am dreading him growing up but I am excited to celebrate his Uno Fiesta birthday this Saturday. Dax Marshall, you are my rainbow baby, you are my stick of dynamite, you are my sour patch kid, you are my little buddy (even if you refuse to say "momma") and I love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend. I couldn't imagine our lives without you!!!

Sleeping In for Summer!

(Shirt made by ME!)

And just like that, Caleb is no longer in kindergarten!!!

 Summer around our house is going to be hectic. We have a family vacation lined up, Dax's 1st birthday, Caleb will be at his dads for almost 3 weeks and Casey and I are still on opposite shifts. I have put a lot of thought into this and have decided that I am going to put my 4:30am workouts on hold until school starts back up again. I get off at 11am everyday and Casey has to go to leave for work by 2pm M-W so my new gym time will be from 11:30-12:30 and Thursday and Friday it might vary since Casey doesn't have to leave for work those days.

I am super excited to be turning off my 4am alarms!! I did promise my workout buddy I would finish out next week with her though...

 

(Shirt made by ME!)

I am just exhausted and want to sleep in... after all, it is summer time and since I cant take off from work for the whole summer (like I did last year when I had Dax) I might as well take advantage of sleeping in, right?!

This morning, the 1st day of summer break, Caleb woke up at 6:30 am and was going to start getting ready for school. Haha, silly boy! He was super excited when I reminded him school was over with for a few months!

 

The saddest part of Caleb graduating Kinder was leaving his teacher behind. She was a God send to us this year and was more than just a teacher. I cried many times this week thinking we wouldn't get to see her daily. Caleb cried from the minute we packed up his locker until we got home because he was going to miss her so much. She was made to be a teacher and I cant wait to see what God has in store for her life... We love you Paige!!!

 

Not only was yesterday the last day of Kinder, it was also Caleb's last day at his first school. Since we moved, we are no longer in the district but we kept him there anyways (he doesn't do well with change). He was accepted into the new charter school by our house and he will be starting there on September 1st for First Grade. Chisholm Ridge was an excellent school and we will miss all the friendly faces there but Momma is SUPER excited not to have to drive across town in traffic daily to pick him up from school each day. #SavingMoneyOnGas

My Abusive Relationship

Since running into my ex fiance earlier this week, I have had a lot of people reach out to me with support, sweet words, questions, etc... so I am taking to my blog to share my side of the story (after all there are always 2 sides to every story). 

I was 18 years old and longing for attention from a guy. My real dad wasn't really present in my life up to that point so I had this hole in my heart that I so desperately felt like I needed filled. I met guys but they really only ever wanted one thing and one thing only. Was that love? Hell No, but I fooled myself into believing it was. There I was fresh out of high school and at the heaviest I have ever been in my life... just searching for my prince! 

Then I met Bob. 

He was a guy who said what was on his mind no matter whose feelings it hurt. It was brutal, but at times I really liked his honesty. You know, the times that it wasn't directed to me. I have always been an emotional eater, so when he would be honest with me about how he was feeling, I would turn to food to comfort me. I never felt good enough for him but I stayed with him because I loved the attention he would give me, and after all attention was what I was longing for. 

He introduced me to his mom and his friends and made me a part of his world. I loved having a boyfriend, at least the idea of it. His mom was wonderful and very sweet to me. Anytime we would be hanging out at the house  (Bob lived with her still) and we would start fighting, she would take my side and help defend me. She was probably the reason I stuck around as long as I did. Bob was an only child and she loved having a girl around that she could spoil like a daughter and with me coming from a BIG family, I loved the attention of being in a smaller family. 

After the new wore off the relationship, Bob decided it was time to get me into shape. His friends had made fun of him for dating a "fatty" and he was so wrapped up in what they thought of him that he had it in his mind to mold me into what he thought was acceptable to his friends. He would force me to go to the gym with him, which made me hate working out even more than I already did. He started weighing me weekly, if I lost weight that week then he would take me out on a date. If I maintained my weight, we would stay in and hang out. If I gained weight, after he was done calling me all of the abusive names you can think of, he would send me home and tell me to go eat a salad or just drink water the rest of the week and then he would go out with his friends. It got so bad that I started making myself throw up after big meals. I didn't want to let him down and I didn't want him to yell at me anymore. I also became addicted to taking laxatives a couple times a week to help get rid of some of my water weight. No matter what I did, my heart really wasn't in it and I wasn't doing it for myself... I was doing it for him and so he wouldn't be ashamed of me anymore. 

One night we went on a double date with my then best friend and he boyfriend. We met up at Olive Garden and started to look at the menu...Bob told me on our way into the restaurant that I needed to eat a house salad with no dressing and skip the bread sticks because my inner tube (my stomach) was hanging over my pants. I started looking at the menu and Bob instantly smacked it out of my hands. My best friends was shocked and her boyfriend was too, you could see it on their faces. When the waitress came to take our drink orders I sat there quietly and Bob ordered me water. Then she came back to take our meal orders and bring the bread and salad. By this time I was pouting (his words not mine) and I was totally embarrassed for how he was treating me that when it was my turn to order, Bob said and I quote "I will have the tour of Italy and you can bring her a pacifier!" 

My best friends boyfriend told me to get whatever I wanted and for him to screw off (all while the waitress was still right there) and I declined and said I didn't bring my wallet, the boyfriend offered to pay and Bob chimed in "if you eat anything other than a salad with no dressing, I am leaving your fat ass here..." That ended the night and we all got up and left right then and there. The boyfriends was trying to fight Bob but us girls pulled them away and we went our separate ways. They tried to talk me into going home with them but Bob had this hold on me, so I went home with him. 

Bob and I dated for 2 1/2 years and broke up a total of 22 times. Why did I go back each time? He broke down my confidence so much that I was this empty shell. I was scared to death to be alone and Bob had me believing that no one else would want me. He referenced the fact that my own Dad wasn't even present in my life and that if my own Dad doesn't want me, who else would. The little bit of confidence I had going into this relationship was torn to shreds and nothing was left... He was in full control and I belonged to him. I hate admitting that, but at that time in my life it was true. I gave up friendships, my morals, and myself to be with him and he knew no matter how badly he treated me, I wasn't going anywhere.

He finally proposed to me and we were engaged for about 6 months. I had gone dress shopping, found a venue and was living out my wedding fantasy... it didn't matter that I was marrying the worst guy possible because all that matter was I was going to have a wedding and be a bride. 6 months later, I found out that he cheated on me and it was the last straw. Something broke inside of me and I was finally able to cut the ties between the 2 of us... 

It took a LONG time for me to find myself again. A VERY LONG TIME! It wasn't until a few months/year before I met Casey that I truly loved myself again. That I decided I would never change for a guy again. Then I met Casey! A wonderful, loving man who never asked me to change who I was, who instead embraced who I was and encouraged me to be the best version of myself. He has loved me at 160 pounds, 200 pounds, 280 pounds, through a miscarriage, through knee surgery and recovery, through a pregnancy, through hormonal changes after my pregnancy, through learning to go from being a single parent to a double parent household and the list can go on and on... 

I do have to say, being with Bob taught me to really appreciate the love Casey has for me. It is a love like no other and I am so thankful that God saved me from making a horrible mistake by marrying Bob and instead made me wait for the man he created for me... Casey!