I have the BEST of friends

Long story short, my knee gave out today while walking 3.1 on the treadmill. I fell and hurt my other leg and now I feel defeated and just want to curl up in a ball and cry while eating a whole extra large pizza. Why do we get comfort in food?! Anyways, here is an email conversation between me and one of my very best friends, Jamie.

MY EMAIL TO JAMIE:

I feel so defeated. I keep breaking out in tears. I use to be able to do almost everything at the gym and now I cant even walk on a treadmill. Weight loss is something I am going to have to battle the rest of my life and it just sucks! I hate that I am so weak right now. I hate that if I eat one bad meal I am 10 pounds heavier and I cant fit into my shorts and I cant even go to the gym to run it off. I am so defeated.

JAMIE'S RESPONSE:

Alright Missy!! You are NOT defeated!! You are stronger then you think!! Seriously!!

I had 2 bad days this week with my ankle. For some reason it was giving me issues and it really hurt to do what I had to do. But, I pushed thru. And each workout I did I was the LAST one to finish by a long ways. So, it left me doing the workout by myself while everyone sat on the ground finished and they all just watched my struggle. Who likes to show weakness? Who likes to be the weak one?? NOT ME!! And I'm willing to bet that no one LIKES to be the weak one. But guess what? I finished. All those people that were watching me struggle have NO IDEA what it feels like to be me. They have no idea how bad my ankle and toes were hurting. They have no idea how bad I wanted to quit and run away. But, I finished. I sat on the ground and one of my friends said "jamie, you are such an inspiration to me because you push thru hard things" At that moment I ran outside and bawled my eyes out. It's nice of someone to say that to me, but at the same time, at that moment I felt like she would say that because I was so weak. To me, she just got done watching ME struggle. Know what I mean? I don't want people seeing me struggle.

Anyways... point of the story is... after I collected myself and really thought about it... I figured out that I am strong! And I'm a lot stronger then a lot of people (mentally). People quit when they have no limitations and no reasoning what-so-ever. It takes a lot of mental strength and determination to stick with a plan PERIOD! So put in pain, injury, whatever it may be into the equation... and if you can stick with it and not let it get to you- you really are STRONG!! And it's something to be proud of! So.. don't let your knee get to you. Just think, when that's all healed up and you can look back at all the struggles it took to get you back to where you were, you will be SO much stronger in the head and that will help you in all areas of your life. Really!! Don't give up. Show yourself that you are stronger then your knee... and that you aren't going to let your knee get in your way of having the life that you want. OK?? :)

Now.. go eat something healthy and breath deep, cry it out, laugh it off and KNOW THAT YOU ARE STRONG because you won't let your knee get in your way!! When so many other people would throw in the hat at the first sign of resistance!

She is 110% right! Thank God I have been blessed with some very amazing best friends because honestly without their love and support, I would be close to 300 pounds and never even have considered walking off a treadmill...! Thank you Jamie. Thank you Lo (had a meltdown on the phone with her earlier at the gym right after my fall). Thank you to everyone reading this... you guys/girls push me to keep going on and help pick me up when I fall (which I have been doing a lot of that lately, mentally and physically). It will get better... I mean its life, for every down we hit an up is right around the corner!!! So, here is to my next UP!

Back on track

Okay, I am officially done celebrating my birthday! My clothes and my scale had an intervention last night and said it was time to get back on track. Actually to be honest with you, I haven't been on the scale since the last time Casey and I weighed. (SHOCKED?!) Well... I had to weigh in with Lo the other day, but I didn't look at it. Starting fresh today with my healthy eating and getting my butt back into the gym. Last night I packed my meals for this whole week and brought them into work with me this morning. I also made a huge crock-pot chicken dinner that is currently cooking at home and will be mine and Caleb's dinner for the next week. I even packed my gym bag last night and sat it by the front door. I am prepared, even if that means I had to carry a backpack full of food, a gym bag and my purse all into work from my garage while carrying an umbrella so I didnt get wet... its called dedication!

Just to keep me accountable here is my plan:

Monday - gym for an hour on lunch. 30 minutes of treadmill (trying to build my speed up at a 2.7 right now... remember I had knee surgery, I am not usually a turtle). and then 30 minutes of weights and abs

Tuesday - Elliptical for an hour and then train with Lo after work

Wednesday - Repeat Monday

Thursday - Repeat Tuesday

Friday - 20 minutes walking on treadmill, 20 minutes bike, 20 minutes rowing.

Okay, purple shorts blog will start over next week and mine and Casey's weigh in will continue on Saturday... I will keep y'all posted! Have a great week everyone!

Back to the basics

Today I train for my 1st time since, ummm, forever! I hurt my knee in January and had surgery in April, so I think the last time I trained was early January or late December. I have to admit, I am VERY nervous. I am nervous that Lo will be disappointed in me for my weight, for my measurements, for my ability to perform. I know I am disappointed in myself for all those things. I have to keep reminding myself, I am not 265 anymore. I am below 200. It takes a year or so to recovery from a major surgery (which I had). I need to just go in with an open mind and as a "new" person who is having learn how to workout. Because basically that is what I am having to do.

No more jumping, no more lunges, no more squats, no more walking inclines (for now), and no more running... Those are all things I hated anyways but those are all things that I know get the job done. It will be a whole new world tonight and as excited as I am for that, I am also very nervous and scared of change. I find it kind of funny that I am not really scared of the physical, its all the mental side. I have always known how to lose the weight but I have never been able to fully change the mental part... maybe this is Gods way of helping me to that. I have goals and I know if I want to meet those goals, Lo is the woman to help me do that. Wish me luck (mentally and physically) and please say a prayer for me tonight around 5...

The weigh in from H-E-double hockey sticks!

So like I wrote yesterday, I knew this weigh in would suck... just didn't know how badly. Well we weighed in this morning and I gained 1.8 pounds and Casey gained exactly 2 pounds. So in theory, I won BUT we both decided that if we gained then we both lost. Its the only fair way to do it.

We had a conversation last night about what we need to change in our lives to not let this happen agian. Casey talked about how he needs to get motivated and be better about going to the gym... lifting and doing cardio. He is perfect on his diet and food doesn't phase him one bit (man he is lucky). I said that I need to really zone in on my eating, not cheat as much. I am really good about the gym and I start back with Lo (my oh so amazing trainer) next week so that I can learn more workouts that I can do since having my surgery. Now just have to get focused on my eating.

Next week is my birthday and I am using a "No Weigh-In" pass for the next weigh in. I have way to many plans next week that have to do with food... I am going to try my best to be good and eat healthy and make it to the gym, but I am also going to enjoy my birthday week and live life to the fullest. Its the only birthday I get all year so I am going to enjoy it.

Hope you all have a GREAT weekend and remember its not a diet, its a lifestyle change.