When I 1st started my weight loss journey in late 2009/early 2010 I fell in love with running. It started out as a chore and quickly became a way for me to release and escape from the world. Within a year, I ran about 30 something 5k's (I have the t-shirts to prove it) and I finished with my last race being a 10k... I ran the whole damn thing!!! Then, I injuired my knee AGAIN!!
Yes, I said again. You see, I injuired my knee in high school when I was a cheerleader and had to have surgery back then. Well, to piss my mom off I decided to skip out on rehab... haha joke was on me! Then I gained a bunch of weight, lost it by running and the surgery just didnt hold up.
My knee ended up giving out and the doctor said I had 2 options... I could either have a reconstructive surgery or I could have it replaced. I was 26 years old at the time and didnt want a knee replacement so reconstructive it was. I made the doctor promise me I would not have to give up running, but he wouldnt promise but said he would do the best he could.
Fast foward to after surgery and the 1st thing I remember hearing from the doctor was that I should never run again... everything else he said that day was a waste of his breath because I didnt hear a word. I couldnt run every again!!! I was going to get fat again and all my hard work would be for nothing! I was devestated!!!
Casey told me later that he said my knee problem was something I was born with. When I was born my cap was not in place and it would pop out. They had to take a hamstring and tie down the cap. They also had to shave off some arthritis (I have more than a 80 year old) and then chisel off my shin and scoot it over and bolt it back down... ouch!
This sent me into a dark depression that took months for me to pull myself out of. I had just started dating Casey and on top of my depression, we were going out to eat a lot. I had to learn how to walk again (this time I went to rehab) and it took a while... I felt like a failure. I was gaining weight quickly and I went from running a 10k to sitting on a spinning chair learning how to scoot down a hall way! Wow!
Heck I am tearing up just thinking about all those dark thoughts I had about myself. How I was a failure. How I went from being on top of my life to being at my lowest of lows. How I couldnt even hold my son because he was scared I was going to drop him, and I probably would have. Man it was a dark time in my life for sure.
Fast forward again to early 2013 when I found a recipe for some sweet potatoes using dry ranch seasoning from a girl named Brittany Eats Clean. I started following her and when I did, my entire life started changing. Brittany is not magic, she didnt come to my house to slap me and pull me out of my depression, she wasnt there to call me to make sure I was staying on track... no, she just was honest and posted about her struggles and achievements and helped me believe (through her post) that I was worth it again. She talked about lifting weights and how cardio is not the only way to lose weight (THANK GOD) and it helped changed my life!!!
During my depression I gained about 50 pounds back of what I had lost from running. Today I am back down to my before surgery weight (give or take a few pounds) and I feel healthier than I did because of lifting weights. No, I dont run anymore but I do eat clean (the majority of the time) and I do lift weights and I am no longer depressed!!!
Depression is a serious thing and should never be taken lightly. If you are depressed, please find someone to talk to... no one should EVER feel that way about themselves and I know that when you find that one person who shows you the light at the end of the tunnel, you will be happy again.
I am here to say that I over came my depression and while I hated going through it, I am happy I did because it has made me a stronger woman in the long run. Physically and emotionally!!!
