I posted on my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/fitbyjordan) yesterday that I wanted to pay it forward and share someone’s success story. I have been blessed by a couple different friends, fitness pages and etc. by them asking me if they could share my story and I felt it was only right if I paid it forward… after all isn’t that what life is all about?
I received a couple different stories, all were inspiring and touched my heart… however, today I am only choosing to share one (I plan on doing this again so don’t worry if you sent me in your story I have it tucked away for another day. Or if you want to send me your story for another time, please do so… fitbyjordan@hotmail.com)
This story really touched my heart and I can relate SO much! She talks about her lowest of lows, her denial, and how she decided it was time to change!!! I hope you enjoy her story and check out her Facebook, Twitter, and Blog!!!
I'm Jess, 25.
I too am just starting. The advice that was given to me was, "The time is now!" The only person that was in my way and the only thing holding me back was, ME. You can either fake it until you make it (which for me, wasn't very long, I'd always quit) OR you can just do it (as cliché as that sounds). It takes a strong conviction and decision to say, "I am going to change my life today and everyday." I started with something that I liked, Zumba. It was party. Everyone seemed pretty happy! I sweat a lot and it hurt! Then I began to run, it hurt to and I began to like that. So I'm 55 lbs down from my highest weight to date and starting to find my motivation from within. It's a really good feeling :)
Weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and EIGHTY POUNDS (my lowest of lows and all time highest weight to date), I took my first step towards regaining what was mine, my life. No excuses, no failed attempts at starting "tomorrow," no more "starting my diet on Monday," and no one else to push me but myself. "The time is now," I say this over and over. I am 25 years old, I have a great job and pour myself into being an advocate for children and their families. I have an amazing family and the most supportive man that stands by my side (beside me, behind me) and he loves me for all that I am (dimples, fat rolls, jiggles and all.) I know that's not a very positive self image but at the time of writing this, that was exactly the mindset and attitude I kept. (Stay tuned, that negativity changes drastically). A great friend of mine spoke to me openly, honestly and she said, "Jessi, you have no obligations, no one to cater to, no one in your own way but you. Take charge, and do it while you can. The time is right now!" Words I consistently live by now... The time is now!
Two Hundred and Eighty. Weighing 280 pounds I felt sluggish and immobile. I couldn't move! I am an active outdoor enthusiast, that enjoys hiking, rock climbing, playing sports and I could not even walk up a flight of stairs without being winded. I hid from people I once called a friend. I avoided social outings and my favorite times at sporting events, theaters, air planes and even the park. The seats cut into my hips, making it undeniably evident that I did not fit. My heart crushed and sank deeper into my chest every time I had to sit awkwardly, uncomfortably, embarrassed and ashamed.
What were my options? Blame others! Denial of my own behaviors, continue habitual routines, tell myself lies and irrational thoughts, self loathing, depression, anger, sadness, desperation, weakness, feelings of powerlessness, negativity, numbness, blinded, imprisoned, captured, stuck, afraid, giving into every temptation, limited, eat.
These feelings and behaviors were turning the wheel of a vicious cycle. The ride I chose to be on and convicted myself too. Until....
280 was not the feelings I wanted feel any longer! 280 needed to be shaken awake. 280 needed to be stopped. 280 needed to be conquered and brought to her final judgment day. 280 needed to cry her final tear of hopelessness and total destruction. So...280 Took her first step!
THE BEGINNG:
The begin was the hardest. To start, to put one foot in front of the other was the challenge. To ask for help (something that I find so defeating, embarrassing and degrading) was my only option. I sought out a medically assisted weight loss program. Consulted with my physician and made informed decisions about what was best for me. I researched and decided upon a fasting program assisted by medial personal. This was a twenty week liquid diet accompanied by group counseling about food addiction. (I promote this option with the utmost emphasis on the importance of the medical assistance and the counseling portions). This wasn't easy by any means, it was tightly regimented with strict steps and rules. The design is to drastically help individuals with rapid weight loss but more importantly to turn the rules into routines and new habits one day at a time. It was isolating, not able to go out and do the same things as family and friends. To sit at the dinner table and drink water and shakes while my loved ones fed their faces in front of me. To constantly tell them (while reassuring myself), "I'm okay, you don't need to be sorry, this is my choice." It was embarrassing to have to share my story time and time again. To disclose why I couldn't go out to lunch, why I didn't want to be at a party, why I wasn't eating, why I was making shakes or "smoothies" as my coworkers called them (5 times a day). I CHOSE THIS PROCESS: I wasn't punishing myself, restricting myself forever, or hurting myself in any way. Through the motions; denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression came acceptance and above all... CLAIRITY. I used new found tools to get up every day, dress the part (in every capacity) show up (to the gym, to parties, to bbqs, to ball games and theater shows, to my weight loss support group) and through this process I have gained determination to persevere over 280. I gained the ability to choose, to think, to feel, to understand and give myself a break once and a while...because this is my life and the time is right now!
I am only human. I can only control myself. Sometimes I fall. BUT I WILL GET UP AGAIN!
I want to breed positivity, motivation, self discipline, dedication and success!
twitter:fit_n_feisty
