Goal Crusher!

In September I made a goal that I wanted to get as close as possible to 189.8 by October 1st that I could. Well, I didn't make it by October 1st.

I decided that I would make the same goal again for October. This time I came up with a reward for hitting my goal. I figured it would help me stay on track...

And it helped!!!

What did I do differently?

*Worked out everyday except Sundays - mainly lifting with some cardio here and there

*Did some 2 a days when I had the extra time

*Really focused on going up in weights when lifting

*Changed my cheat meal from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. It helped me stay on track over the weekend.

*Focused on drinking all my water and less diet cokes (still having my DC though)

*Started the No Off Season Challenge by Fit Like Flint!

This morning, Halloween, I hit 189.8!!!!!

My reward - I am going indoor skydiving on Thursday!!!! The 2 times Casey has gone, I was pregnant. Once with Isabelle when I took him for Father's Day and then with Dax when I took him and my niece for her birthday. I am SUPER excited to get in that tunnel and FLY!!!

My next goal - to fit back into these size 10 slacks comfortably!

When I hit this goal, my reward is going to be to buy a new outfit from OllieMarie!!!

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month

Yes, I have been MIA and I am sorry about that... but I am back for today.

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. Did you know that 1 in 4 women have miscarriages? I am 1 out of 4. July 10th, 2014 I found out that I lost our sweet baby girl Isabelle Mae Flowers after being on bed rest for a Hematoma for a week and half. The silence that fell in the room when the sonogram was being performed is a "noise" that I will never forget.

Losing Belle was hard, probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The thing that really helped me get through it (the best I could) was being able to open up about it. Being able to share my story. Being able to acknowledge Belle's life, even if it was short lived. Being able to hear other peoples stories. Being able to have other women to relate to so I knew I wasn't alone.

I feel for the women who have no one else to talk to and have to deal with this alone. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. If you have suffered a loss, please find someone (a friend, a parent, a co-worker, a counselor, a pastor, etc) to talk to. I promise it helps. It doesn't take the pain away, but it does help ease it.

You will always be left with the what ifs, the I wonders, the day dreams of what life would have been like...

Would Belle have straight hair like Caleb or curly hair like Dax?

What would her giggle sound like?

Would she be a Momma's girl or have Daddy wrapped around her finger?

Would she wear a bow or rip it out of her hair like I did?

The list goes on and on...

I am very thankful though, because without losing Belle we would have never had Dax. Its a bittersweet thing. One couldn't happen without the other.

I am 1 out of 4...

And I am also one that will always smile when I see a yellow butterfly cross my path because I know it is God's promise that my sweet Belle is in heaven waiting for me to hold her again.

12 pounds

Yes, I know the scale is bitch and we shouldn't watch it that much. We should pay more attention to measurements and how our clothes fit. I get it. BUT I do pay attention to the scale and well, that is me.

I gain weight FAST... I mean FAST!!! It is a special talent I have. Ha!

On Dax's birthday I was down to 178. Then, this summer I slacked hardcore and gained weight back and I was fluffy and my clothes weren't fitting. I kept going back and forth from 195 to 200. It is where my body is comfortable at and easy to maintain with good-ish eating habits and half ass workouts.

After my birthday in late August, I was tired of being "comfortable" and ready to kick it up a notch. I started training at 202.2... YUCK!!!! I mean it was no 280 where I was last year, but it wasn't 178 where I was earlier this summer. All I could do now is kick some major booty and get back down.

I have been GREAT. Last Friday I weighed in at 193! That means I have lost 9 pounds the past 3 weeks. Kind of proud of myself... and back on the right track to get down to 178 and smaller.

THEN... Caleb's birthday happened.

I did good on his actual birthday and planned to go during his birthday weekend... but I sucked it up hardcore. I shoved cupcakes in my face, they are my weakness. I licked my plate clean when the pizza was served. And I kept pigging out on Sunday with greasy fast food. By Sunday night, I was highly disappointed in myself and I regret pigging out. It was done and nothing I could do to change it now except get back on track.

Monday, I weighed in 12 pounds heavier than I did Friday... yep, I was 205! I about cried. Well, I did cry actually. This is when I usually turn to cupcakes but I decided to get back on track instead. As of today, I am down to 195... still have a few more pounds to go to get back to 193, but I am going in the right direction.

My goal for September was to be 189.9 by October 1st. I really don't think that is going to happen but I am on the right track.

This weekend, I have plans to workout (something I didn't do last weekend) and I have plans to stay on track without a cheat meal until Sunday for dinner.  

I will NOT have a 12 pound gain again... it isn't worth it. I have had to bust my ass this week to get this weight back off and get rid of the bloat. If I would have not cheated all weekend long, I could have gotten really close to my goal of 189.9 or maybe even hit the goal.

189.9 I am coming for ya...

Caleb's 7th Birthday

My little buddy is SEVEN!!!

Wednesday we let him skip school, because who likes to go to school on their birthday?! We had breakfast with Grammy (to drop off Dax for the day), then made a trip out to Legoland and finished off the day with some Mexican food for a late lunch.

I wouldn't let him say he was 7 until 5:50pm on the dot... he was highly annoyed on me!

Then on Friday, we had his 1st ever slumber party!!! Let me just say, I am still exhausted from this sleepover. EXHAUSTED!!! I invited 14 boys and we ended up having 8 of them show up. I really thought only 3-4 would show up but I guess when you have a free sitter for a Friday night, you accept! I mean, I would!

Having a pool in our backyard helped pass the time. I let Casey hang out with them while I cleaned up the mess in the house... which just got messier when they came back in.

I never knew that Caleb's costume collection would come in handy like this before. They LOVED dressing up and playing superheroes and fighting each other. Please look at Caleb's serious face... he takes being Superman VERY seriously!!!

The boys fell asleep around 12-1am so I thought they would sleep in.. but I was wrong. I went to pick up donuts at 7am and when I came back, they were ALL WIDE AWAKE and ready to eat and play superheroes again... we didn't have plans to leave the house until 10:30am so I had to find stuff for them to do until then. Luckily, it was pretty outside so I sent them out to play while I picked up the house.

I told the parents that I could drive the boys up to the bowling alley where the party would continue. I told them the party was from 11-1 and Flash would be there at 12. No one showed up to help with their boys until the party was over... I guess I should have been more clear. So that meant not only was I trying to throw a party, talk to my family and friends but I was also in charge of 8 little boys because none of the parents showed up for the party. It was a huge bust and I have decided I will never do a slumber party AND a party again... it will be one or the other!

Flash was a HIT at the party! Caleb loved having him there to show off and play with. We had Spiderman at his 5th, Batman at his 6th, Flash at his 7th... I wonder who he will have at his 8th, if he still is in love with superheroes!! I hope he is!!!

After all was said and done, we had an amazing birthday celebration!!! I am glad it is over though, it was exhausting, expensive and I ate WAY too much...

 

Caleb Scott aka Chubba Bubba,

I hope your 7th year is the BEST one yet. Momma, Case and Daxy love you to the moon, to the moon, to the moon!!!!

 

Twenty-Two

Twenty-Two is the magic number with my trainer.

When lifting, he tells me to do 22 reps... or however many I can do. If I cant do 22 all at once, I do as many as I can, rest 10 seconds and try to finish out the 22.

The first week, I was having to stop and rest for the 10 seconds so I could get the full 22. Last week (my 2nd week) I was starting to get the full 22 each time. I was feeling like a beast and so proud of myself...

Then today happened.

(start of week 3)

Today was REALLY hard. I had to stop and rest for 10 seconds on almost everything so I could get the full 22. Some of the machines, even with the rest, I couldn't get the full 22. After a few rounds, I started feeling a bit defeated and I think Russell could see it on my face. Then, he told me that he upped the weights.

Awww, makes tons of sense!!!

Right now I am very happy that I have a trainer because if I was working out on my own, I would have never upped my weights. I would have never done 22 reps. I would have actually lowered my weights so I wouldn't have to struggle or feel defeated. Working out with Russell is challenging me and I know it is going to really help me build muscle way quicker than I ever could on my own.

I will admit, I am SORE already!!!

But... I didn't die!!!

#FlexFriday

Today is #FlexFriday y'all!! Let me see what ya got...

I also went ahead and took my weekly progress photos today because we are going on a date tonight and I am counting this as my cheat meal. My mouth is watering thinking about my cheat meal... that is when I know I need to indulge in my craving and get right back on track. If I don't, I will end up binge eating and throwing all my progress out the window.

Remember, one meal wont make you fat just like one workout wont make you fit.

This is from August 29 to today September 16.

I have lost 8.6 pounds - still have a ways to go before getting down 178.8 (what I weighed on Dax's first birthday) but I am getting there. Right now I am averaging 2.86 pounds a week, so that's pretty awesome. I know it will slow down as I put on more muscle though, so I am not too worried what the scale says. I am trying to go more on my weekly photos and my inches.  

Speaking of inches, I re-measure inches with my trainer on October 10th

Oh and guess what I am doing tomorrow for brunch... meeting up with local Jessie Girls!!! I am so stoked!!! Next week I will make sure to blog about the brunch and about all the wonderful women I meet. Fitness doesn't always have to be hardcore all the time, it can also be fun. Meeting likeminded people will help your journey become more fun. I am STOKED!!! Bring on the Jessie's Girls!!!!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!



Taking it day by day

I have been slacking on my blog, but I am still here... taking life one day at a time!

I have to say, I have been really focused and I feel 100% back on track and I am loving it. From August 2015 to June 2016 I was on fire. I did feel it start to peter out around January/February, but I kept going forward anyways. Then in June, after Dax's birthday, I relaxed way more than I would like to admit. Then in August 2016, I really dropped the ball... skipped workouts, ate whatever I wanted, and just didn't really care all too much. I would have days where I wanted so badly to get back on track and then cake would appear and I wouldn't care about the gym anymore. I was disappointed in myself. I kept telling myself, "after my birthday I will get back on track".

I am so happy that after my birthday, August 28th to be exact, I got back on track and have been on fire since then. I feel so much better about life and about myself when I am on track fully. I have more energy and I don't get frustrated with myself as much. It is like working out and eating healthy gives me a high on life!

I just wanted to blog and touch base with you all to let you know I am still here. I am just focused and back on track... I am basically doing the same thing almost daily so I haven't had much to blog about.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday - Meet with my trainer at 5am

Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday - Steady State Cardio on my own

Sunday - Rest

Eating based on my macros my trainer gave me, cutting out breads (getting my carbs from other sources like veggies) and limiting myself to only 1 piece of fruit a day. Then having one cheat meal a week, not a cheat day, just one meal and one dessert. I did post my menu on my Facebook page and plan on eating that the rest of the month... I like to keep it simple and easy to follow.

I will try and blog at least once a week, but make sure you check out my Facebook page and/or my Instagram (Jordashflowers) page for more up to date progress photos and updates on my journey!

Workouts & Waco

Yesterday was my first workout with my new trainer and I loved every single minute of it. I took Caleb with me since it was Labor Day and he was out of school... the gym has a living room area with X-Box and I thought he would really enjoy that... I thought wrong! He was super annoying and kept whining for me. HA! He did take this picture of me and after my training he told me he was proud of me. It melted my heart and reminded me why I am doing all of this... to set an example for him (and Dax).

 My workouts will consist of working out with Russell Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings at 5am. Then I will do cardio on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays by myself at my gym and rest day on Sunday. I asked him if I needed to lift any on my own and he said not to worry about it.

As far as food, I am eating the same thing I ate last week until tomorrow. Tomorrow Russell and I will talk about meal planning and my numbers. I am ready to see what he has in store for me in the kitchen and start eating on his plan. I can tell that my bloat is gone from August but now I am ready to really start seeing changes in my body. I know that the next 3 months is going amazing and I cant wait to see my results by the end of the year!!!

Since yesterday was a holiday, Casey had the day off... that means all 4 of us were at home for the entire day! That is very very very rare. We decided to make it an adventure and head out to Waco, Texas to tour the Dr. Pepper Museum and visit the Silos.

 

I am a huge Diet Coke fan so Caleb thought it was SO funny that we were at the Dr. Pepper museum. They ended up buying some DP floats and loved them, I didn't try it so who knows!

These 2 guys... have stolen every piece of my heart!

Next stop, the Silos!! Have you seen Fixer Upper (Chip and Joanna Gaines) on HGTV? This is their place! It was amazing and I loved that it was so kid friendly. They had this amazing yard area for kids to play... It was hard to make them leave this area, even when I showed up with cupcakes!

This was amazing!

 

Speaking of cupcakes.... OH MY GOSH! If you are ever in Waco, Texas you have to try the Shiplap cupcake. It is the BEST cupcake I have ever had in my entire life!!!!

 

 

1 Step Forward... 3 Steps Back!

Life doesn't always go as planned.

I never thought that this competition training would be easy.

I never thought that it would go 100% smoothly.

I had trouble finding a trainer and it took a lot of time and asking around to find one. I finally found one and after meeting him, I left feeling good about the situation and pumped to get started.

This week has been amazing so far. I have been killing my workouts (currently using the ones from being a Jessie's Girl) and eating 100% on track (also using the Jessie Girls meal plan). I submitted my measurements and photos on Sunday and had to wait for him to email me my workout and eating plan on Monday. I received it Monday afternoon and that is where it all went wrong...

1st Step Back

I was told that the workout plan would be adjusted for me, you know since I have knee issues. It was not adjusted for me at all... it was a very generic plan. It was also very similar to the plan I was already following with being a Jessie's Girl. He told me in our meeting that he wasn't a fan of generic workout plans and he would write one just for me...  That kind of left a sour taste in my mouth, but I decided that it was okay that I would just adjust the plan according to what I can and can't do.

2nd Step Back

I opened my meal plan. When we sat down and met I told him my goals and what I wanted to happen. I told him I didn't like plans with low carb and that I didn't want to do any drastic eating plans that would make me gain weight right after I finish the plan. Well, that is exactly what I was sent. The plan was based on Keto (basically its medium protein, high fats and very low carbs... like 14 grams of carbs to be exact, I am currently eating 170 grams). He said that this would throw my body into a state of burning fat. Or in my husband's words... this will throw his wife into one of the bitchiest moods you have ever seen her in and she will be hulking out 24/7!

I asked my Jessie's Girls about this Keto based diet because a lot of them have competed and I wanted to see if this is what I should be doing. I have never competed before so I wasn't 100% sure. They all very strongly said NO!!! Even Jessie herself messaged me saying that she does NOT agree with this and that your body needs carbs and she earned her pro card and ate carbs the whole time. She also said some other choice "words" about how stupid this plan is and how wrong it is for the trainer to tell his clients to use it.

3rd Step Back

When we sat down and met, he said trainings will be $45 a session. I noticed on the gym's website that they were doing 2 free sessions with the 16 week package I bought. I asked him about it and said he wasn't one of the trainers included in that package but would honor it for me. He then said that he will do 2 free trainings but that the next 14 trainings would be $70. So basically I can get 16 trainings for $45 a session for a total of $720 OR I can get 2 free trainings and 14 sessions at $70 for a total of $980. Ummm something doesn't add up to me!!! Is it just me or does that seem odd?

Another Step Foward

I have thought a lot about this.

I have prayed a lot about this.

I have talked to Casey a lot about this. 

I have decided to start looking for another trainer. I contacted one this morning and waiting to hear back. I told him that I want to compete but not at the cost of ruining my body. I want to do it the right way so when I step off stage I am not going to gain it all back. Competing is great but living life in a healthy lifestyle is what I want more than anything. 

For now, I am going to continue on with my Jessie's Girl Plan and keep looking for a trainer...  

My Next Steps!!!

This is going to be a no picture kind of blog... I have a lot to say!

First, if you don't know already, I am planning on doing a bikini fitness competition before I turn 32 (8/22/17). This blog is to answer some questions, to fill you in, and mostly for me to get all my thoughts together in one place.

This is a VERY exciting time in my life and this next step is a huge one for me, so forgive me if this blog jumps around or you get lost. My brain is going 90 to nothing and I am just so darn excited!!!

Why?

The #1 question I get from people when I tell them about my dream of stepping on stage and competing is, WHY? I was always known as the fat funny friend. I hid behind my weight and made excuses for why I kept packing on the pounds. Then I lost it and felt great. Then I gained it back after surgery and depression. Then I lost it again and felt even better the 2nd time. Then I lost our baby and went through depression and another pregnancy (Dax) and gained it back again. Then I lost it again and this third time is going to be the last time. I guess my answer to why I want to compete is because I want it to be the icing on the cake. I want it to be the big finale to the firework shows that has been my weight loss journey. I want it to be the part in my story that people hear about it and think "Whoa, if she can do that, I can do it." Stepping on stage for me is confirmation that I made it! Yes I know that once I step on stage all my problems will still be waiting for me when I get off the stage. Yes I know that I will still have  to work hard on maintaining my weight loss and I wont be able to just binge eat all the time. It isn't an answer to my "problems" it is a reward for all my hard work and success and it is a stage (literally and figuratively) that I can get up and say LOOK WHAT I HAVE DONE... even if it is just me I am saying it to!!!

My Trainer - I have been looking on google and everywhere else I can think of to find a trainer and I have been asking around for about the last 6 months or so. I haven't found much of anything I like. I didn't want an online trainer, who was out of state or could never meet with me in person. I wanted someone I can meet with at least once a week that will help me with my form, help keep me on track and be a rock I can lean on when I am ready to give up. I wanted someone with knowledge of shows and who can help point me in the right direction. I am going into this blindly and I didn't want the blind leading the blind. My trainer, Lo, hooked me up with this girl who has now competed 3 times and is in the Fort Worth area. From there, she gave me her trainers information and I contacted him. I did some snooping on his page and realized this is what he does... he sends people to shows and they come back with trophies!! He sent 6 people to a show this last weekend and they came back with a total of 10 trophies!!! We sat up a meeting to sit down and talk and go from there. The meeting was yesterday and it was amazingly! I was nervous going into it but when I met him, Chandler, I felt as ease and knew that I was right where I needed to be.

We sat there and talked about my journey, he told me about his back ground (which is in nutrition and working with people with eating problems... depression eating being one, umm hello!!!), he talked to me about shows and what my goals and timeline was, then he got me all signed up and squared away for the next 16 weeks!!

The plan - The gym he works for (BodyShop Training Center) is hosting a 16 week challenge that starts next week. The buy in is $299 which includes 16 weeks of online training and he is writing me a nutrition plan. It also includes 2 sessions with the  trainer of your choice or 2 weeks free of group training (I am choosing 1 on 1 training). And they also have 1 on 1 packages with training starting at only $90 for 3 sessions per week. I am going to use the online training for the first 16 weeks and meet with Chandler every Thursday at noon to work on my form and make sure I am on track with where I need to be with my training. I didn't want online training solely, so meeting with him once a week is the best of both worlds. As my competition gets closer and closer, I will meet with him more each week and do less of the online trainings.

Dates?! - So when is my competition? We are shooting for one the weekend of August 18-20, 2017! Yes I know that is a year away and hearing it being a year away kind of put a blah taste in my mouth but I am trusting Chandler. He said he would not put me on stage until I am stage ready and confident, he said one year is going to be the time frame to get me to my goal.... it isn't a quick fix! I did ask him if he would tell me in the spring if I am close to getting on stage because my initial goal was to get on in May... he said we will talk about it in April and see where I am but for me to shoot for August. Trust the process... Trust the trainer.... TRUST!

Why Bikini - I didn't know what category to compete in. It is all a bit overwhelming when you start to research it. Chandler asked me what I wanted to work for and my answer was "to step on stage"... haha! So he suggest bikini. He said that it is an "easier" process and I wouldn't have to bulk as much as I would for the other categories. That it would give me time to really get comfortable with stepping on stage and competing and if I wanted to change after my first competition then we could, but that he likes to start newbies out in the bikini category... so why bikini? Because I am TRUSTING Chandler and his knowledge about competitions.

This summer has been a rollercoaster for me. I hit 178 on Dax's 1st birthday (June 14) and from there I kind of started to maintain. My body maintains really well at 185-190. That is when I can eat crap, kind of so so workout and not really gain. So after we got back from vacation (early July) my body jumped from 178 to about 192! I have been maintain in that 185-190ish weight range for the entire summer... until the past few weeks. I have been pigging out and skipping the gym more and more... oops! This morning I was 197! Scary to see it going up. I hate admitting this to you but this is real life. When you start slacking on your foods and skipping your workouts, you start to gain the weight back. Sucks! So this whole starting to train for competition couldn't have come at a better time in my life. I need this fuel to light my fire again. I am ready to give it 100% and really kick some major ass. Tonight I am going to sit down and write out my grocery list, shop tomorrow and prep Sunday. Monday it is on like donkey kong!!!

I will try and blog each week of the 16 weeks and let you know how I am doing, how the works are, what my food plans are looking like and everything else! Thank you for all the love and support you guys have given me, I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Oh and if you invite me out to eat and I turn you down or bring my own food, please don't get upset with me... I have goals!!! BIG BIG GOALS!!!!

Happy Friday!!!

Dax's 1st Day at MDO

(Shirt made by Vinyl By Jordan)

Today, Dax started Mother's Day Out (will be going Tuesdays and Thursdays).... which really is more Father's Day Out for us since I work in the mornings and Casey stays home with the boys. Ha! Dax is at that age where he needs to be around kids his own age. I really think his vocabulary and motor skills will really take off after a few months of being in "school". And, Casey needs a break a couple days a week from chasing a toddler so he can do some updates around the house. We have a long list of things we want to get done and having Dax makes it near impossible.

 

He is teething and has been chewing on EVERYTHING and ANYTHING! This morning it was a whale bath toy... I tried to take it away just for the picture and he was NOT having it... so this is the best we could do. Such a little stinker he is!!!

 

Dropping him off broke my heart. We can hand him to a stranger and he wont cry, but this morning he was NOT having it at school. He threw himself down and bawled. His teacher is gone this week due to a surgery so they have a sub in there... hoping it gets better the more he goes. Fingers crossed!

 

 

Best part of Dax being in MDO, my sister in law works there!!! That means she will check up on him, send me updates and send me random pictures throughout the day!!!

School ends at 2pm but I think we are going to go pick him up at 1 because Casey leaves at 2 and he was pretty emotional about not seeing Dax again until tomorrow morning. It was so cute, they are best buddies!

Next up, Caleb starts school September 1st... First Grade here we come!

On another note, today I am getting my booty back in gear on my foods. They have been all over the map this past week (well this past summer) and I am ready to buckle down and get focused on getting on the stage in the spring. I missed my workout today (slept in) but I am going tomorrow... then Thursday I am meeting with a competition trainer to talk about what my next steps are and what the future looks like for me. I am really excited and nervous all at once.

Happy Tuesday everyone!!

It is my BIRTHDAY!!!!

It is my BIRTHDAY!!!!

Hands down, this has been the BEST birthday I have EVER had... EVER!!!!

Friday afternoon I went to the Dry Bar, which I loved so much. Anytime someone wants to wash my hair, sign me up!!! Best part, it was raining outside so they gave me a free umbrella to keep my hair looking good!

We got home, I changed... into an outfit that Casey picked out and surprised me with and then we went out to meet up with friends. We were supposed to go to the food truck park but it wouldn't stop raining so plans changed. To be honest, it was a great change! We found a place close to home that had good food and karaoke all in one place... I loved it!!!

We danced the night away and I even got up on stage and sang some karaoke... I will try to post the video later!

 

Case also surprised me with a birthday cake... and it was my fave, carrot cake!!!  

 

 

I have some of the most wonderful girlfriends in all the world!!! Thank you to each of you (and the husbands who were able to come and hang out with Casey) for making it out to celebrate with me. I love you all so much... #PrettyGirls

Sunday I wore the other outfit Casey picked out for me, to church. It is a dress but I am so dadgum tall that I had to put a pair of skinny jeans under it. I am so proud of him for picking out such adorable outfits and surprising me. He has been so good this past week... spoiled me for longer than just the 24 hours of my actual birthday and I have loved every minute of it.  

 

30 was the BEST year of my life so far... I cant wait to see what 31 has in store for me!!!