October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month

Yes, I have been MIA and I am sorry about that... but I am back for today.

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. Did you know that 1 in 4 women have miscarriages? I am 1 out of 4. July 10th, 2014 I found out that I lost our sweet baby girl Isabelle Mae Flowers after being on bed rest for a Hematoma for a week and half. The silence that fell in the room when the sonogram was being performed is a "noise" that I will never forget.

Losing Belle was hard, probably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The thing that really helped me get through it (the best I could) was being able to open up about it. Being able to share my story. Being able to acknowledge Belle's life, even if it was short lived. Being able to hear other peoples stories. Being able to have other women to relate to so I knew I wasn't alone.

I feel for the women who have no one else to talk to and have to deal with this alone. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. If you have suffered a loss, please find someone (a friend, a parent, a co-worker, a counselor, a pastor, etc) to talk to. I promise it helps. It doesn't take the pain away, but it does help ease it.

You will always be left with the what ifs, the I wonders, the day dreams of what life would have been like...

Would Belle have straight hair like Caleb or curly hair like Dax?

What would her giggle sound like?

Would she be a Momma's girl or have Daddy wrapped around her finger?

Would she wear a bow or rip it out of her hair like I did?

The list goes on and on...

I am very thankful though, because without losing Belle we would have never had Dax. Its a bittersweet thing. One couldn't happen without the other.

I am 1 out of 4...

And I am also one that will always smile when I see a yellow butterfly cross my path because I know it is God's promise that my sweet Belle is in heaven waiting for me to hold her again.