The Marble

For the past few weeks I have mentioned on here and on my fitness page that I have been having headaches that won’t go away. Yesterday I mentioned that I have been going through some stuff that I would blog about later… well, the time is here and I feel comfortable enough to open up about it now.
 

When I was 9 years old, my mom was diagnosed with Lymphoma. I remember the exact moment she told us kids, it was dinner time and we were eating bratwurst. To this day, anytime I see a bratwurst  I instantly think of that horrible day filled with so many sad and scared moments. My mom beat it and is still alive today (annoying me more than ever, haha just kidding mom). Why do I tell you this??

The past 3 weeks I have been having chronic headaches. They switch back and forth from my left to right temple. I feel so run down and so just blah. I have been through depression before and I know I am not mentally depressed but I feel like my body is physically depressed… if that even makes sense. I am happy go lucky on the inside but my body doesn’t match that. A huge red flag is my napping, I never nap and lately that is all I want to do. Yes, I am eating well and yes, I am working out the right amount and not overdoing it any. I just feel blah!!

Last Thursday I was rubbing my neck and found a lump on the side of my neck. I decided to give myself a full body scan and make sure I didn’t have any other lumps anywhere else… I didn’t. I had my mother in law feel it to make sure it wasn’t just in my head, she confirmed that it was in fact there and suggested I go and see a doctor. The lump is very hard and feels like I have a marble suck under my skin. First thing Friday morning I made a doctor’s appointment to have it checked out, luckily they were able to squeeze me in that morning. All I could think about was that horrible day when my mom told us about her lymphoma.
 

Casey had just left for Utah the day before and he was where he had no cell service. I started freaking out and feeling all alone. I am overly emotional and Casey is the calm collective one. I needed to hear his voice and have him tell me everything was going to be okay. I called and called and called all morning long, but nothing.

When I got to the doctor’s office I was seen right away and she seemed very concerned. There was no  pain when she pushed on my “marble” and I told her how I had been feeling and she questioned my lifestyle and family history. She sent me for lab work (4 things of blood later) and they squeezed me in for an ultrasound on my neck. Being that it was Friday afternoon already, she let me know I wouldn’t know anything  until Monday around lunch time but that she was going to rush it and hope to get the results back quicker. Ugh!

The ultrasound was rushed and they actually called me back Friday afternoon. The doctor said that she was really hoping it was just a swollen gland but that it was in fact a lymph node but she would have to wait until my blood work came back to tell if it was cancerous or not and that my blood work wouldn’t come back until Monday, that they weren’t able to rush it. She said it was a 50/50 chance it could be cancerous or something viral/bacterial. She said in case it is viral/bacterial, she wanted to go ahead and start me on some medication over the weekend. If it ended up being viral/bacterial, this medicine would help clear it up in no time. I started the medication Friday and hoped for the best all weekend long.

I finally was able to talk to Casey and he helped calm me down… but like I said in yesterday’s blog, I was home alone with Dax all weekend and he was being a wild child. I had a headache that lasted from Friday until yesterday and all I wanted to do was lay in bed, but Dax wouldn’t let me. I contemplated skipping the gym and just binge eating all weekend long, but I needed to take my mind off things so I got up and worked out Friday and Saturday. I didn’t binge eat because to be honest, I didn’t have much of an appetite at all. Actually, I didn’t meet my macros at all this weekend. I tried but I just couldn’t.

Yesterday was the day for my results and it felt like forever but they finally came back and everything looks good. Casey was able to call off work to be with me because I really didn’t want to be alone when the call came in. After playing phone tag with the doctor’s office, I finally was able to talk to the nurse and my lump (aka my “marble”) is NOT cancerous!!! The only down side to it all is that they really don’t know what it is and they don’t know what to do for it. They told me to continue to take my medication and watch the size and hardness and to follow up later this week. If the size and hardness have no change, I will go back in to the office and we will go from there (most likely a biopsy). So far, no change. The medication she prescribed was to clear up any infections I might have and she said when the infection is cleared up (if that is what it is) my headaches should become fewer and fewer. So far, no change in my headaches either.

I did notice yesterday that the stress of this all has me grinding and clenching my jaw. Maybe that is causing my headaches?! I am really trying to be more aware of it today and hoping that the headaches wont present themselves.

I am SO thrilled to know that it is not cancer, I was so scared!!! I am just ready to get to the root of the problem and fix it. But until then, I will be over here trucking along because these are the days that champions train and I want to be a champion!