Working Out = Being Happy

Have you ever had a CRAPPY day and when you get off work all you want to do is go home, lay on the couch and fall asleep early? I did yesterday. On the way home I thought of every excuse in the book to tell Lo about why I couldn’t make our training session. Something made me go though and let me tell you what, I am glad I did. The workout was a bit rocky (read my last blog if you didn’t already) but I made it through and I am still alive. I got home and took a shower and I felt recharged, full of energy, and the crappy mood I was in just vanished.

There is a study that shows when you work out your body releases endorphins that make you happier then you were before you started the workout. I know this is true because every time after a workout, I am left in a better mood knowing that I can achieve my goal. So the next time you are having a bad day and want to skip your workout just remember laying on the couch will not do you any good, instead pick yourself off, repeat to yourself it isn’t the end of the world and go complete your workout.

1st workout in over a month

Lets take a trip down memory lane, shall we... May 4, 2011 I stepped on the scale and hit my 101.5 pound loss. I told myself when I hit my huge goal I would have Frito Pie and take a break for a week. Beat your bottom, I had my yummy Frito Pie and I kicked back and relaxed for a week. I wish I could say it ended there but nope, it was like a horrible car crash that you just couldnt prevent. 1 week off turned into being over a month off. Guilt came over me about needing to spend more time with Caleb and about letting him eat the "normal" foods kids are suppose to eat. Of course since he got to eat them, I got to too!

Half way through June I realized the weight I tried so hard to get off was slowly but surley creeping back on. Then one day it gave up coming back on slowly and went balls to the walls and just flew back on like it had a dead line to meet. My size 10's I swore I would always fit in, didnt fit me anymore. My mediums that started getting loose on me, were starting to get tight again! This was NO good. It happened so quickly and over night. I worked so hard to get to where I was, how could it be slipping out of my hands!!!! I decided the 1st week of July (Caleb would be gone so guilt will too) I was going to recommit. I gave it a week and lost 6.2 pounds then feel back on my face when the weekend came. I tried again and the same thing kept happening. It was so easy to fall off the wagon and now I am re-learning just how hard it is to get back on!!! I decided I needed to go back to train with Lo.

Today was my 1st training back and I wont lie, I was nervous and scared. What if I fail, what if I cant do what I use to do, what if... what if... WHAT IF....!!! I was a wreck. I walked in there with my head held low, when just 3 months ago I would walk in there full of pride. I went upstairs and started my workout. The workout was suppose to be an hour and instead it was about 40 minutes. I was so out of breathe doing some of the easiest things. After working out, I got really dizzy and queasy... Yes I threw up! Lo has now made me bleed, sweat, cry and THROW UP! I was so pale! I had to sit down by the fan with wet rag and catch my breath. We weighed and measured and I have gained a total of 15 pounds and 4 inches on my waist... How embrassing, right? Wrong. How EYE OPENING!!!

I am back. I am not going to let anything throw me off the wagon again. I like the wagon. I will get back down to my goal weight and I will get back into my 10's! I am rededicating myself.... this is my promise to myself!!!

Guilt

Being a Mom comes with a lot of guilt, being a single Mom means you get an extra helping of that guilt. Whoo-Hoo!! Caleb is 22 months old this Thursday and for 15 months of his life, I was hardcore into losing weight. I had guilt working for me and against me the whole way through. Guilt became a best friend for me while it pushed me to work out harder and longer because I didn’t want to die to young due to health issues, I didn’t want Caleb to know me as being overweight, and I wanted him to grow up knowing how to eat healthy. Guilt also served as an enemy; I would pick Caleb up from daycare and then take him to the gym daycare for an hour or two every day. He would cry and scream and all I could see in his eyes was a little boy begging to spend time with his Mom, I felt horrible leaving him in there. Guilt would play the evil card when I would wake my baby out of a deep sleep so that I could take him to daycare an hour early to get in a morning workout before work. No matter what I did, guilt was right there with me.

I knew that in July, Caleb would go and spend the month with his Dad and I knew that since I have already hit one of my huge goals it was time to take a break from it all and let the guilt have a vacation. I took off from the gym for 2 weeks, which lead to a month, which is going in to 2 months now. I felt like I had gone hardcore for so long, “neglected” my son for so long, that a few weeks off wouldn’t do anyone any harm. I spent all of June going home after getting Caleb from daycare and just playing, going to see family and friends instead of the dreaded treadmill, we had snuggle time in the morning instead of rushing out the door before the sun even woke up; it was amazing! While the time off was much needed, it is now much needed that I get back on track and start maintaining what I worked so hard for.

I have been very hesitant to recommit myself because I know once I do; guilt will be knocking at the door wanting to come play. I know this time around, I won’t be working out as hard and as long because I am maintaining and not trying to lose huge number; but that doesn’t mean the guilt will leave me be.  I am sure all you Mother’s can relate to this guilt I am talking about, how do you shut it up? Cookies don’t help, trust me I have tried!!! Haha!!!

Maintaining is something I have been struggling with too, but I will write about that another day!