Monday, July 18, 2011


Being a Mom comes with a lot of guilt, being a single Mom means you get an extra helping of that guilt. Whoo-Hoo!! Caleb is 22 months old this Thursday and for 15 months of his life, I was hardcore into losing weight. I had guilt working for me and against me the whole way through. Guilt became a best friend for me while it pushed me to work out harder and longer because I didn’t want to die to young due to health issues, I didn’t want Caleb to know me as being overweight, and I wanted him to grow up knowing how to eat healthy. Guilt also served as an enemy; I would pick Caleb up from daycare and then take him to the gym daycare for an hour or two every day. He would cry and scream and all I could see in his eyes was a little boy begging to spend time with his Mom, I felt horrible leaving him in there. Guilt would play the evil card when I would wake my baby out of a deep sleep so that I could take him to daycare an hour early to get in a morning workout before work. No matter what I did, guilt was right there with me.
I knew that in July, Caleb would go and spend the month with his Dad and I knew that since I have already hit one of my huge goals it was time to take a break from it all and let the guilt have a vacation. I took off from the gym for 2 weeks, which lead to a month, which is going in to 2 months now. I felt like I had gone hardcore for so long, “neglected” my son for so long, that a few weeks off wouldn’t do anyone any harm. I spent all of June going home after getting Caleb from daycare and just playing, going to see family and friends instead of the dreaded treadmill, we had snuggle time in the morning instead of rushing out the door before the sun even woke up; it was amazing! While the time off was much needed, it is now much needed that I get back on track and start maintaining what I worked so hard for.
I have been very hesitant to recommit myself because I know once I do; guilt will be knocking at the door wanting to come play. I know this time around, I won’t be working out as hard and as long because I am maintaining and not trying to lose huge number; but that doesn’t mean the guilt will leave me be.  I am sure all you Mother’s can relate to this guilt I am talking about, how do you shut it up? Cookies don’t help, trust me I have tried!!! Haha!!!
Maintaining is something I have been struggling with too, but I will write about that another day!

1 comment:

  1. My opinion is if you want to take care of Caleb to your full capabilites you've got to put your health up there on the priority scale. Caleb needs his mom to be healthy! He also needs his mom to show him how to be healthy- and by you showing him that it should be a priority in his life- he'll follow your footsteps. I came from a family of twigs that never went to the gym, never worked out, and so when I hit my weight issues I didn't know what to do and I just did the same thing all my family did, which was nothing, and in turn, I just created a bigger problem. Show Caleb how to do it, and to show him, you've got to walk the talk! :) Tell Mrs. Guilt that she is wrong for giving you guilt! You're a good mom, and you've got to take care of yourself! You can do it!