Try!

This morning I was driving into work and the song “Try” by Colbie Caillat came on. I listened to it and then half ways through decided I need to listen to it again, but this time really pay attention to the words. It wasn’t my first time to hear it, actually I own the song on my iPod, but today it really struck a chord with me. I went straight to my office and started this blog… I needed to get it off my chest and on to “paper” before my thoughts got lost in my busy hectic life.

I am working on losing my weight for a third time. Yep, third time. The 1^st time I lost it; I injured myself and had to have reconstructive knee surgery, had to learn to walk again and dealt with a lot of depression. The 2^nd time I lost it, I got pregnant, miscarried, dealt with tons of depression and then got pregnant with Dax and felt scared to death the whole 9 months that something bad would happen. I tend to eat my feelings and when depression is involved, I eat double. It is a huge struggle I hope one day I never have to deal with again… but if I do I hope that I am able to find a place to turn to that isn’t food.

Anyways, back to the song. The song talks about not having to try so hard to fit in. The first time I lost my weight, I have to admit, I was losing it to fit in. I was losing it to find a guy. I was losing it because I felt left behind. You see, my best friend and my big sister had both lost tons of weight (while I was pregnant with Caleb) and I felt left out. I wanted to fit in with them, I wanted to fit in their clothes, and I wanted to fit in to the “skinny” circle. I also wanted to fit in with the other healthy mom’s. I didn’t want Caleb to be embarrassed of me. I wanted to be the cool skinny mom. It was all about fitting in.

When I lost it the 2^nd time, it centered on fitting into my wedding dress. I had a picture of what I wanted to look like on my wedding day and being overweight was not an option. I didn’t do it to fit into a certain crowd or to get a boy to like me (I had Casey and he loved me no matter my weight)… no I did it to fit into the “perfect” wedding look. You want to know something funny? On my wedding day, I was in the worst mood. I felt so fat and so ugly and was disappointed in myself for not losing more weight. I hate looking back at that day and remembering those feelings… especially since when I look back at pictures, I was SO thin!!! I looked AWESOME… if only I could have felt that way then.

This time I am losing it I am not trying to fit into any mold. I am just trying to be healthy. I don’t care what someone thinks about my journey, I don’t care if I fit into a model size dress, I don’t care about fitting in at all… I just want to do me and do the best I can. I don’t know if it is my age or the fact that I have done it the “wrong” way 2 times already… but whatever it is, I have to admit that I like this way much better. I look at myself in the mirror and think “Wow I look good” and I am bigger than I was on my wedding. I take time to celebrate my small accomplishments and lift myself up instead of telling myself I can do more and I am not good enough.

I don’t feel like I have to TRY to fit in anymore, I am doing me and if you like it great… if you don’t, well close the browser because I am not doing this for you… it is all for me!

Don’t ever feel like you aren’t good enough. Like the song says, you have to ask yourself when you are all alone… do YOU like YOU just the way you are? If the answer is yes then keep doing you. If the answer is no, then change it but only do it for yourself and remember to love yourself during the journey!

Okay, stepping off my soap box now. I hope you all have a fantastic Monday!!! Much love…

4 Week Fat Blaster - Results

After ending the Kelsey Byers 12 week Skinny Jean Challenge, I took about a week 1/2 off from being hardcore and enjoied some yummy cheat meals and even slept in a few extra days. I still stayed on track about 75% of the time.

The Monday before Thanksgiving, I started her 4 week Fat Blaster program and today I did my last workout of the 4 weeks.

I measured, weighed and took pictures this morning. I lost exactly 11 pounds and dropped 7.75 inches total body. The before pictures below are from ending the 12 week Skinny Jean Challenge. You can purchase her programs HERE. She is putting a new one out on January 1st and I will be participating in that challenge... join me!!!

These photos are from August 19 to December 19th and I have been following the Kelsey Byers programs (you can buy them HERE, they each come with a gym plan, an at home plan and meal plans... I tweaked my meal plans though to fit my taste)

To top the day off, Casey went to the gym with me and let me train him!! Back and Biceps baby!!!

Hope you have a GREAT weekend!!!

Time to vent

Having a blog means it is my space to vent and verbally throw up all over the internet... and you can read it or move right along. I love having this space especially for days like today!!!

Stepping on soap box... *Warning - Aunt Flow just paid me a visit and I am a bit snippy today*

I wish I was one of those girls who after having a baby would just go back down into their regular clothes. I know having to work as hard as I do, inspires people and makes me a better/stronger person... blah blah blah... but geez I am just ready to wake up and be my tiny self again. And by wake up, I mean I want to wake up at normal time and not at 4:30 am to go to the gym!!!

I am also SO sick of MEAN GIRLS!!!! Seriously, ladies... let's lift each other up instead of tearing each other down. I don't care if you make more money than me, if you are prettier than me, if you are skinnier than me, if you are married, if you are single, if you have kids, if you hate kids, whatever kind of woman you are... YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN THE WOMAN NEXT TO YOU!!!! Stop leaving people out (on purpose), stop spreading hate about certain women, and just STOP BEING MEAN!!! I am so sick of it. I decided I am no longer putting up with it. I have been ignoring it for to long, trying to not let it bother me but it isn't working anymore. I am standing up to it and I will continue to stand up to the hate until you learn that being mean and tearing others down is NOT the answer to anything and it doesn't make you a better person at all.

And for my last rant... FOOD! Why must it taste so good and why must it all be filled with calories and carbs?! WHY OH WHY?! I am 1.2 pounds away from hitting my pre-pregnancy weight (with Dax) and then I have 40 more pounds to lose from my miscarriage/depression. It has been such a struggle to get this "last" 2 pounds off. I feel like it is taking forever!!! And food isn't helping! I ate out last night because I forgot my meal at home and we went out for my MIL's birthday. I picked something (semi) healthy and went with it. Tonight we are going to our fancy Christmas party at work and I have been counting down the days to it so I can eat some amazing yummy food. I know the food isn't going to help me get to my goal by Monday (when Dax turns 6 months) but I also really want to enjoy my planned cheat meal tonight. Dear Food, for once in my life can you please just be calorie and carb free. Love your biggest fan, Jordan!

Okay I better step off my soap box... I am getting worked up again and all I really want to do is go lay in a hot bath and never get out.

Did I mention that I tripped over AIR at the gym this morning... didn't help my mood at all.

Here is to a BETTER tomorrow!!! Time to try and turn this frown upside down!!!

Goal Outfit - Update

Three weeks ago I posted a blog about my new goal outfit that I have hanging in my kitchen and in my bathroom... you can read the entry HERE.

My niece asked me yesterday if I had tried the shirt on in awhile to see if it fits and I told her I hadn't... so I decided to try them on.

Since ending Kelsey Byers' 12 Week Skinny Jean Challenge, I have been doing Kelsey's 4 Week Fat Blaster program... I am loving all she has to offer! To check out one of her programs, click HERE 

So, I tried on the clothes and noticed the short fit better but the top was still tight in my arms. I was kind of bummed to be honest. I decided to take photos and compare them to the November 16th photos. I am glad I did because it turned my frown upside down!!!

Here are my results from the last 3 weeks, this is a 5.8 pound difference...

Our Journey to Buying a House!

As you might know by now, we are in the process of buying a house!!!

A few years back, after we got engaged, we started looking for houses. However, our credit wasn’t that great and we had trouble finding a rent house. It was a low point in my adult life and it left me with a lot of fear and anxiety about ever being able to buy a house of our own. I started that year working on our credit. I wrote letters, paid stuff off (using Dave Ramsey’s methods), we played around with Casey’s credit card and I eventually was able to get a credit card myself. Casey’s credit problems were mostly due to non-payments and mine were because of medical debt (which we are still paying) and my lack of credit. I was always told to stay clear of credit cards and things related… which in the long run hurt me. No credit is almost as worse as bad credit! Finally we have everything going in the right direction and this past summer we decided to see if we could get pre-approved… and we did!!!

We weren’t ready to buy then, so we waited a few months and then started the process. We contacted a friend who we really trust and asked her to be our Realtor. She set us up an account with houses that fit our wants and needs and we started to just see what was on the market. We set a date of November 20^th to start looking. That week, we went and viewed a couple of houses and I had one particular one I had been keeping tabs on and was in love with. The first house was blah… the third house was pretty but didn’t speak to me… the second house, WOW! It was it! You know when you find your wedding dress and you just know… that is how it was with the house! I just knew!  

The whole process had me in fear. What do we do next? What if she says no? What if we don’t get pre-approved again? What if our Realtor breaks up with us because I am so needy and asking too many “What If” questions?! Haha! My hands would get sweaty, my heart would race and I would have small panic attacks just thinking about it all…

                              

We put an offer in on that Friday and we included a heartfelt letter letting the Seller know why we wanted to buy her house. I even had each one of us sign it and included a photo. They said she was motivated to sell and we would probably have an answer Saturday. Then Saturday they said she wanted more time to think and we would have an answer Sunday. Then Sunday she decided to spend the day at church and pray about our offer more and we would have an answer Monday. There is something you really should know about me… Patience and I aren’t really friends! I wanted to know NOW!!!! Finally Monday morning she accepted our offer! When the Realtor called, I cried hearing the news. I was seriously a mess I was so excited!

                                

Yesterday the Option period ended and our inspection turned out rather nicely. There are a few minor things we wanted updated and she is going to take care of everything except for the pool. The seal just needs to be redone and we have an estimate for $450.00 so we will do that when we get the keys… other than that, everything is moving right along. Including all of the paperwork we have had to gather for the Mortgage Company. I am glad I am OCD and love to organize because it hasn’t been too much of a pain in the booty (just yet, hopefully it won’t be). I won’t lie; Casey and I have had some bickering moments… I am very GET IT DONE NOW and he is like HO HUM IT WILL GET DONE. It makes for some fun times for sure!

I keep playing on Pinterest, dreaming of ideas, and thinking where we will put everything in each room. My favorite 2 spots in the house would have to be the covered patio in the backyard that is a perfect spot to sit and look at the POOL… and my other favorite spot would have to be the craft room! They have built a room off the garage (but the garage is still a normal size garage) that is big enough for a craft room/guest room/sitting area. I have BIG plans for that room and I can’t wait to get started. The best part of the room, on the side where I will put my desk and crafts; there is a sink in there. Perfect for washing paint out of “crap”!!!

                                 

I will be posting updates here and there as the journey to closing continues… closing is January 15^th! With the holidays here and the house process going on, my blogs might be few and far between, but I am still here tracking away… working out, eating my macros, logging my food, taking care of the boys, working, doing the house stuff, and crafting my heart out…