Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Kicking the funk

I woke up in a great mood on Saturday, went to the gym and hit it hard then came home and cooked all my meals for the next couple days. It started off to be a great day but ended a little bit differently.

I am usually such a strong person who can let words of others just roll off my shoulders. Usually when people sit there and criticize what I am doing or how I am living, it motivates me that much more to push hard and become stronger. Well, like I said… usually. I let someone get in my head and it really got to me. It started off slow, giving up on the food I had cooked and instead going out to binge eat with Casey. Then it started to spiral out of control. The next day I overslept (by a LOT) and then sat on the couch like a bump on a log. I had plans to get up and be active on my day off and nope, I didn’t do anything but eat and lay on the couch. Then Labor Day arrived and it went almost exactly like Sunday did… By the time Tuesday arrived, I had fallen so deep into my funk that I really didn’t care if I got out or not. Yesterday was a B-A-D day and all I wanted to do was go home, curl up in a ball and go to bed.

I have been blaming it on Mother Nature and saying that “that” time of the month is coming up… which it is and I do usually crave food more and I am less energized, however I ALWAYS make it to the gym and stay away from the temptations. I wasn’t ready to admit to anyone, not even myself, that I let someone elses words throw me in such a horrible funk that I was having trouble kicking…. Until last night.

Last night, Casey hugged me and hugged me tight. He knew something was going on and like the great man he is, he waited for me to tell him. It all came pouring out… I admitted that I let someone else make me think my journey isn’t as great as I think it is. I admitted that I let someone tear down what I worked so hard to build up. I admitted that someone poking fun at my methods that obviously have been working for me, had thrown me off track and make me second guess everything I have been doing. It was hard to admit, but I did.

He asked me 1 great question… “Are you happy?”

Am I happy? Well hell no I am not happy the past 4 days. I have been moping around and haven’t done crap. I feel horrible and so tired all the sudden… hell no I am not happy!

I asked him if he was happy with the way I look now, that if I didn’t lose anymore weight or tone up, if he would be okay with that. He replied with the best thing a man could ever reply with…

I love you no matter what BUT I know you are not happy calling it quits where you are at now and just maintaining. I know that you want to change your body more and you want to tone up more and you are happier when you are focused on that. I want you to be happy and if that means getting back on track and being 110% dedicated even despite what other people say, then do it!

Seriously, how lucky am I to have him in my life?

Okay, so here I am now… I am kicking this funk to the curb! I woke up this morning, gave my day to God and got dressed! I have all my meals planned out (even with me going out to lunch, I am taking my own food) and I have my bags packed and ready to hit the gym twice today. I am kicking this 4 day funk and I am not looking back… I am better than that funk and I will NOT let it tear down everything I worked so hard to build up!

Here goes nothing…!!!

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