Thursday, January 7, 2016

Does Anybody Hear Her?

The past few days when I am driving to or from the gym, this song has come on the radio. This song. This song use to bring tears to my eyes. This song would make me collapse to my knees and pray to God that the puzzle pieces would just fall into place. This song would make me not feel alone, that other women feel this way, I mean they wrote a song about it. This song would help me not feel guilty for thinking that I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and I just couldn't do it anymore.

Now this song makes me want to shout out to all the other women feeling lost in the world, feeling like they cant do anything right, that they are running 100 miles in the wrong direction... you are NOT alone! I was there and it took a lot of time (heck I am still fighting this war) but it does get better.

I love the life I was given. Even as a single mom, it has been a great life, hard at times, but great. People would use words like "strong, confident, Pinterest Mom, overachiever, etc."... BUT... the thing no one knew, I was running 100 miles a hour in the wrong direction the whole time. Hearing these words describing me, only pushed me further in the wrong direction. I felt like I always needed to live up to them and the expectations so many set on me without even knowing they had done so. It became exhausting and I would have breakdowns, inside my own house of course because I couldn't let anyone see me like that.

I took a class the fall before Casey and I got married that really helped me open my eyes. I realized that this life I am leading is causing me to actually miss out on my life. When I would stress over the house being 100% clean, I would miss out on making memories with Caleb. When I would pull late night hours for Pinterest worthy parties, I wasn't seeing what Caleb really wanted... his mom to just enjoy his birthday and celebrate his life with him. When I would never go out with my friends because I needed to be 100% perfect on my diet and gym time, I would miss out on building up my friendships that needed to be watered and fed. I am not saying to let your house be dirty all the time, to not throw a great party or to always go out with friends and disregard your fitness goals... I am saying that everything is okay in moderation. There are extremes and I was living my life to the extreme of trying to be perfect. It wore me out and no one around me knew it.

This blog doesn't have to do with fitness, per say, but I believe that when you find a healthy balance of moderation it affects your life in almost every aspect. When you are less stressed about being 100% perfect, you are able to focus more on actual life and actually living it. At least that is how it was for me.

This song. This song will always hold a special place in my heart. This song!


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