Making time for myself

Being selfish seems so umm selfish (its the only word that I can think of). I am a single mom, I am a girlfriend, I am an employee, I am an aunt, I am a sister, I am a friend (I can go on and on) and I want to be the best at each one of those "jobs". I hate letting people down, I will go out of my way and end up making myself un-happy (sort to speak) if it means that I can put a smile on a face of one of my loved ones. I would like to think I am the type of person who would give you the shirt off their back and will give you my last dollar. All of this is good but when you think about it, at some point we all have to stop and become a little more selfish. If we gave everyone the shirt off our backs and gave everyone our last dollar... where would that leave us? Broke and naked somewhere and lets face it, that wouldn't be a pretty sight!

We (and by we I mean myself) need to become a bit more selfish. We need to stop and put ourselves 1st because if something were to happen to us, we wouldn't be able to take care of the people around us that we love so much. When I was losing my 100 pounds, I was very selfish. I stopped and made sure I prepared my meals and took time to workout (maybe a little to much some days). I did this knowing that I was taking care of myself and making myself healthier. Me being healthier meant more time to spend with Caleb and my nieces and it meant years added on to my life to spend with friends, bug my sister and find the man of my dreams (I was single back then). 

It wasn't until I hit my 100 pounds loss that quilt started to sit in and make me feel horrible for being selfish. I lost site of why being selfish is a good thing and I slowly started to fall back into old habits. Then my knee surgery happened and quilt came knocking (this time even louder). At this point I was so sucked in that I didn't even care to start digging myself back out. Now here I am so far down in the hole, knowing I need to get out and feeling like every time I take 2 steps forward something comes along and pushes me 3 steps back. I feel like no progress is being made. Heck, I ended up crying myself to sleep last night because I am so disappointed in myself for letting my weight get out of control.   

A good friend of mine text me this: Don't make anymore excuses to use as crutches! I understand that your knee holds you back, BUT it is what it is! Don't let it be an excuse to not exercise and eat good foods. Same goes for your relationship - cut food out as your entertainment and do something good for you instead of eating! Go on walks, find a hobby you can both do, limit the times you go out to eat and stick to it! Have ONE or NONE date nights each week that has food involved. Just find a different lifestyle. Not only will that benefit you but it will benefit Casey and Caleb too. And last by not least... just do it! Make it a part of your life. Each good decision you make adds up and soon it will just be how you live your daily life and you wont have to rely on motivation. You can do it  my friend!!!

So with all that being said - The next rule I am going to apply to my new lifestyle that I decided to take on is to be more selfish. To make better food choices that benefit me and not go with the popular vote. To take more time to head to the gym, if I cant make it on lunch then leave Caleb at school for 30-40 more minutes in the afternoon and fit in a workout (its not going to kill him or me). And to make mine and Casey's date life revolve more around us and not so much around food.

To much information

This blog is a blog about my weight loss journey, about my struggles, about my success, about my weight gain and about my weight loss. I hate those blogs that are all perfect, sunshine and rainbows... "I lose every single week and I never hit a bump in the road..." Bull Crap! This is life, everyone has bumps in the road... everyone!

Here is my most recent BUMP... I am going to warn you though, if you have a weak stomach you might just want to stop reading here.

Today's topic... poop! I don't know why it is so funny but it is. I mention the word poop and a smirk takes over my face and instantly all I can hear are farting noises in my head (maybe I am just a 10 year old boy). If you say the word poop in front of my 10 year old niece, she squirms and gets embarrassed. Why?! We all do it. We all fart. So why is this subject so funny and never talked about?

Normal people go to the bathroom 2-3 times a day, and usually its after a meal. Well if you didn't know this already, I am not a normal person and I don't differ on this subject. I have a very hard time going to the bathroom! I can go days without going and then when I do happen to go, its not normal at all. Its even worse when I am eating really healthy and working out (odd, right?!). I know I know go ahead and say it, I am full of crap! Haha! It has been bothering me so much, I think its one reason why my weight goes up and down so sporadically. So I am finally throwing in the towel and have scheduled an appointment to go see the doctor on November 6th.

As funny as this topic might be, it is also very serious... I found a guide and would like to share it with you. Hopefully you can learn something, I know I did!!!

Weight Watchers here I come... again!

Have I ever told you how much I love my job?! Well, I just fell in love with it just a little bit more... Next week I am signing up for Weight Watchers again and my wonderful employer is paying part of my monthly dues as well as my activation fee!!!

I will meet with people I work with on a daily basis and see around the offices (we have like 7 buildings). Hopefully this will help me stay accountable and on track with my eating. The group meets every Friday over lunch and I will start going next Friday (October 26th)... this Friday is Kristy's baby shower at work and since I am kind of the one planning it, I guess I kinda need to be there!

I am really excited about starting weight watchers again. I feel like I have a higher success rate when I am part of a team. When I was losing before, I was always training and always at 24 hour fitness. Now that I have had to scale back on working out, and I am struggling with food... what is better than to join a club that will help me with that?!

I will keep you posted about my 1st weigh in and every weigh in after that... even though I am trying to not focus so much on the number on the scale but instead the size of my jeans and how all my clothes fit.

Like I have said a few blogs back, I am doing this re-start different than all the others... because if you want different results than do different things. Weight Watchers, here I come!

Race Blanket

2010-2011 was a GREAT year. That was the year I really was focused on losing weight and over that year I fell in LOVE with running. Since I fell in love with running, I started doing 5k's and even did a 10k. Man those were the days, now its all just a memory (stupid knee surgery).

I have always wanted to make a blanket out of all my race shirts and finally with the help of Pinterest, I have started to do just that!!! I am about 50% done right now and hoping to be 100% done by this weekend. Its a big job for a single mom who works 40 hours and has something to do almost every night, BUT I am willing to take on the task.

It was hard to start because it meant I had to cut up my favorite 16 shirts... some of which I wear as sleep shirts and some I still wear in every day life. I wont lie, I did cry a little inside as I started cutting. Once you start cutting, there is no turning back. With each shirt I cut, I told Casey the story behind that run... that is really when all the emotions surfaced. Remembering certain runs with great friends like BB - when she ran circles around me, literally. Ashlie - When I was suppose to make us tutus and didn't. Julie F. - when we ran with all those good looking firefighters. Julie A. and Elizabeth - when we ran my very last run together and we showed up late but did it anyways. Sarah R. - when I spent the night with her in Houston and then drove to Austin just to run and drove home muddy. Kristy and Sarah T. - when we weren't allowed to push our strollers in the race and they took one for the team and let me run while they pushed Caleb around TTU. Aunt Dee and Patricia - both of their 1st 5K's the weekend of Mother's Day! Michelle - when we did the night run except for it was bright as day outside and then we ran into my step dad. Kristy, Christy and Nancy - when we all dressed up in camo and kicked some butt at the warrior dash (my last time). And my all time favorite was when I was finishing up my 10k and at mile marker 6 my amazing trainer who has always believed in me and never let me give up (Lo) was standing there waiting to run it in with me. Yes, I am crying right now in case you are wondering. All those girls I just listed (plus a lot more) always (and still do) believe in me and they are part of the reason I stayed motivated. With every run I did I just got better and better...

Fun fact: The blanket starts off with a shirt that was a XL and a race time of over 52 minutes!! The blanket ends with a shirt that is a M and a race time of less than 33 minutes! Over the course of 1 year I was able to go down 3 sizes in my shirt and almost 20 minutes in time. Man what I wouldn't give to run just one more race, but that would just leave me wanting to do just one more...

Here is a picture of my shirts all sewed together. I am working on the back of the blanket and then have to finish it up with the binding. I will write again when its complete.

Oh and guess what... maybe I cant run a 5k anymore but I have been talked into walking one! My wonderful job is paying our fees for the Trick or Trot run on November 3rd and a lot of my co-workers are running and/or walking in it. So I have decided to do it too! It might take me an hour (or more) to finish it but at least I will be finishing it and not sitting on the couch... Say a prayer for my knee!

Fall is here - Pumpkin everything please!

Happy Fall Y'all... I know its been Fall for a couple weeks now but I am just now getting in the mood. Today was the 1st pumpkin flavored food I have had since... well last Fall and with this cooler weather, I have decided I am ready to get happy about this season. Don't get me wrong, I love Fall but I also love Summer and was very sad to see it go...

Yesterday we celebrated all the October birthdays in our office, we had breakfast on each floor and then had a dessert to follow. By the time breakfast was delivered to our floor, I had already eaten my oatmeal so I really didn't have a problem saying no. All I could hear were the pumpkin cookie calling my name. I decided that I was going to have 1 cookie all day long and be fine with that... old Jordan would have eaten the whole plate before anyone even had a chance to claim one. Nope, not this new improved Jordan. I replaced my morning snack (dried bananas) with a pumpkin cookie and went on with my day. It wasn't until this afternoon when I went to get my afternoon snack (fiber bar) that the cookies were yelling "JORDAN" even louder... I told myself NO and went back to my desk. Then it all went down hill... I went into the kitchen to get 3 cookies for Caleb (every day I take him an afternoon snack to eat on the way home since he eats lunch so early). I put those 3 cookies in a baggie and took them back to my desk... all I heard was "Jordan, eat me... JOR-DAN... Jordy... HELLO JJJJJOOOOORRRDDAAANNN!!!" And then I caved... I ate another cookie! Now Caleb has 2 cookies to eat on the way home and I am NOT eating anymore, I promise! I will NOT be that Mother who takes food away from my child. 2 cookies is enough for the kid, he didn't need 3 anyways... so... really I was helping him out. HAHA!

I got to thinking, seriously there has to be away to enjoy the Fall and still eat the foods... so I went to my new best friend, Pinterest and found a pumpkin cookie recipe that is probably as healthy as you are going to get when making pumpkin cookies... here ya go!

1 cup of almond meal

1/2 cup finely chopped walnuts

1/2 tsp baking powder

1 tablespoon cinnamon

1 egg

1 cup of cooked and mashed yam, pumpkin, or butternut squash

¼ cup coconut milk

2-4 tablespoons maple syrup

Preheat oven to 400. In a mixing bowl, stir together all the dry ingredients.  In another small mixing bowl whisk together the egg, coconut milk, and maple syrup.  Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix well.  Add the mashed yam, pumpkin, or squash to the dough and mix well.  Grease a baking sheet with coconut oil or organic grass fed butter and scoop about one heaping tablespoon per cookie onto the baking sheet and bake for 20 minutes.  Makes approximately 15 cookies.

Looks easy but its not...

Okay followers... I found this workout on Pinterest the other day and I thought it looked "easy"... I mean I knew it was probably going to be somewhat of a challenge but seriously not that much of one. Well, yesterday Carly and I were working out and really focusing on our abs so I decided to work this into our workout. I demonstrated it for Carly and soon figured out that it was going to be harder than I had thought. My original plan was to hold this position for 30 seconds, which quickly got bumped back down to three 10 second holds!

It really targets your lower abdomen area (what us women call our pouch). So here is a goal for you the next time you are at the gym... Give it a try! I am going to continue to work it into mine and Carly's daily workouts here and there for 2 main reasons. 1. I want my pouch to go away and 2. I want to be able to hold that position for 30 seconds... if not more!!!

The S'More inccident

This weekend my promise to myself was to cheat in a healthier way, which I did on Friday at lunch time. That meant for the rest of the weekend (my toughest challenge), I had to eat healthy without cheating. Friday night was all good in the hood. Casey came over and we went to the store and bought stuff to cook a recipe from Weight Watchers, 3 bean chili. It actually turned into more of a stew and it made enough to last us all weekend (actually I am having the last bowl for lunch today).

*** Recipe Below ***

Saturday is when my "weakness" set in. I have been craving a s'more for a very long time now, but haven't had one in FOR-EVER! Well, we were watching the Sandlot and my craving came knocking... dang tree house scene. Then on top of that, it was COLD and I have a fireplace... that just made the craving even worse. THEN I get on FB and my friend Mandy had a picture of a s'more she was eating while we she was out camping this weekend, the craving got even worse. And if all that wasn't enough, it seemed like EVERYTHING on Pinterest was s'more themed that night. After a long debate with myself and with Casey, I was about to cave and go to the dang store and buy me some graham crackers, chocolate and marshmallows... but something in me just said to go to sleep and get over my craving. The next morning, I woke up and was so super proud of myself. I had overcome the s'more craving and the sense of pride I had felt way better then a s'more could have tasted.

Getting stronger ever single day!!! Here is to a healthy week of eating clean and to at least 4 days at the gym, if not 5.

Recipe for my 3 bean chili (stew):
2 cans of stewed tomatoes
2 bell peppers diced
1 can of drained black beans
1 can of drained kidney beans
1 can of drained red beans
1/2 small onion diced
1 pound of turkey meat browned
Let sit in crockpot for a couple of hours (until veggies are soft, you can cook these in with the meat to help the process).

Different kind of cheat

When I lost my 101 pounds, every week I allowed myself to have 1 cheat meal. It was anything from stuffing my face at a Mexican food place or eating a sundae for dinner. I have tried doing that this time around but it has been horrible for me afterwards. It always leaves me wanting more and since I cant run (or workout hardcore like I use to could) it ain't good.

I have decided I am going to have to change the way I cheat...! Casey and I went to lunch today and he gave me to options. 1. Chuys (amazingly good Mexican restaurant) OR 2. Terra's (Mediterranean buffet). I chose #2 because I knew I would be able to really control myself and the cheat I would allow myself wouldn't be that bad of one. I ended up starting the lunch off with a salad with lite dressing and feta cheese. Then I had some chicken, potatoes chunks, roasted cauliflower and (my cheat) small portion of rice, 2 pieces of flat pita bread and a small side of pasta. Let me tell you what, it was so yummy but all those carbs after going almost a week without any carbs was a lot! I am still bloated but I don't have that gross greasy feeling that I would have had if I cheated at Chuys.

So with that being said, I have decided that this time around (since I am really trying to go about this differently) to change the way I cheat. After all, if you want different results then you need to change something in your routine... Change #1 and many more to come!

Please say a prayer for me this weekend, they are my weakness! I also seem to slip up and go off the deep end. I plan on working out at least 1 time this weekend and not cheating at all.

Chuy's

Terra's*

Which one do you think would be healthier!!!

*that is not exactly what I had.

Here we go again...

Hola! Casey and I made it back from our cruise, Caleb's birthday party is over, and life as I know it is back to normal... thank goodness! Bad news, I didn't wear the purple shorts on to the boat. I am okay with that though, my knee injury  has been more of set back then I thought and I wasn't doing that great on my eating plan so I kinda expected it.

While on the cruise, Casey and I had time to talk about our goals and what we want to really happen with our lives. We both want to lose weight and be healthier for whatever lies ahead of us. So I found a great site on Pinterest that has over 100 meals that are non-processed and I started making a calendar of what we would eat. When we got home, that very next day I went grocery shopping. I only bought 1 thing that was processed and that was cheese because lets face it, I am a rat and so is my kid. You only live once so I am not giving up cheese (or diet cokes for that matter)... just got to eat it in smaller portions!

Breakfast: Oatmeal - easy and I love it
Snack - Carrots
Lunch - Lettuce, tomato, 1/2 avocado, 1 cup ground turkey and 1/4 cup black beans with low fat Cesar dressing (40 calories a tbsp).
Snack - Watermelon (yummy!)
Dinner - Grilled chicken breast, 1/4 cup black beans, 1/2 cup peas and a side salad.

I have been doing really good sticking to this, heck because its the only food I have in my house! I have had some slip ups like having a fun size twix bar at work, having 2 can diet cokes instead of 1, taking small bites of Caleb's grilled cheese sandwiches (the kid is addicted). But like my friend Jamie says, I am human and I will mess up but its how do after you mess up. You should know by now the weekends are the hardest for me, but hopefully with Casey on board we can really do good this weekend.

Oh and besides me working out at the gym on my lunch, I have also started talking Caleb to the park after work everyday... we walk there! I need to get his umbrella stroller out though because I want to walk more after he plays and he is worn out. We will try that out tonight.

Okay, I have re-started so many times its getting old for me and Lord knows it has to be getting old for you too... but this time I KNOW it different. I am not going to make any goals except for to stop putting myself down (calling myself fat, etc.), to get back up and try again if I have a bad day (instead of eating bad and saying F it), and to make sure every day I get some kind of workout in (the gym, walking, ab video at home). I am trying and even if I have to restart 100 more times, it means I am still alive and I still have that initial determination down deep inside (somewhere)!