Monday, October 29, 2012

Making time for myself

Being selfish seems so umm selfish (its the only word that I can think of). I am a single mom, I am a girlfriend, I am an employee, I am an aunt, I am a sister, I am a friend (I can go on and on) and I want to be the best at each one of those "jobs". I hate letting people down, I will go out of my way and end up making myself un-happy (sort to speak) if it means that I can put a smile on a face of one of my loved ones. I would like to think I am the type of person who would give you the shirt off their back and will give you my last dollar. All of this is good but when you think about it, at some point we all have to stop and become a little more selfish. If we gave everyone the shirt off our backs and gave everyone our last dollar... where would that leave us? Broke and naked somewhere and lets face it, that wouldn't be a pretty sight!

We (and by we I mean myself) need to become a bit more selfish. We need to stop and put ourselves 1st because if something were to happen to us, we wouldn't be able to take care of the people around us that we love so much. When I was losing my 100 pounds, I was very selfish. I stopped and made sure I prepared my meals and took time to workout (maybe a little to much some days). I did this knowing that I was taking care of myself and making myself healthier. Me being healthier meant more time to spend with Caleb and my nieces and it meant years added on to my life to spend with friends, bug my sister and find the man of my dreams (I was single back then). 

It wasn't until I hit my 100 pounds loss that quilt started to sit in and make me feel horrible for being selfish. I lost site of why being selfish is a good thing and I slowly started to fall back into old habits. Then my knee surgery happened and quilt came knocking (this time even louder). At this point I was so sucked in that I didn't even care to start digging myself back out. Now here I am so far down in the hole, knowing I need to get out and feeling like every time I take 2 steps forward something comes along and pushes me 3 steps back. I feel like no progress is being made. Heck, I ended up crying myself to sleep last night because I am so disappointed in myself for letting my weight get out of control.   

A good friend of mine text me this: Don't make anymore excuses to use as crutches! I understand that your knee holds you back, BUT it is what it is! Don't let it be an excuse to not exercise and eat good foods. Same goes for your relationship - cut food out as your entertainment and do something good for you instead of eating! Go on walks, find a hobby you can both do, limit the times you go out to eat and stick to it! Have ONE or NONE date nights each week that has food involved. Just find a different lifestyle. Not only will that benefit you but it will benefit Casey and Caleb too. And last by not least... just do it! Make it a part of your life. Each good decision you make adds up and soon it will just be how you live your daily life and you wont have to rely on motivation. You can do it  my friend!!!

So with all that being said - The next rule I am going to apply to my new lifestyle that I decided to take on is to be more selfish. To make better food choices that benefit me and not go with the popular vote. To take more time to head to the gym, if I cant make it on lunch then leave Caleb at school for 30-40 more minutes in the afternoon and fit in a workout (its not going to kill him or me). And to make mine and Casey's date life revolve more around us and not so much around food.

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