Tuesday, August 13, 2013

I wish I could be that "FAT" again...

When I hit my all-time lowest weight a couple years back (164.4) I was wearing a size 10 (and actually they were falling off me) and guess what… I thought I was F-A-T!!! Like seriously, I would look in the mirror and pick out every single flaw on my body. I needed to lose weight in my stomach, I wanted my arm flab gone, and I wanted to tone up my legs more… I just didn’t want to be fat anymore!!!!

Fast forward to after my knee surgery…. I remember looking back at photos from my smallest weight and thinking “man I was skinny; I wish I could be that skinny again!” I would sit there and day dream about my cute clothes (that hung in my closet collecting dust) fitting me again. All this time, I kept stuffing my face and getting bigger. I was so depressed.

Finally I snapped out of it and decided I was going to get skinny again. I told 212 pound self that if I could just get down to 170’s I would be so happy and wouldn’t beat myself up anymore. I would know that I was skinny again and would be happy with who I saw in the mirror.

Well, here I am now back in the 170’s… looking in the mirror and thinking “Oh my gosh, I am so fat!” I pick about every flaw in my body. My arms are way to flabby and when I flex it looks horrible. If my kangaroo pouch would just disappear, I could go down a size in pants again. Man I wish I could run again so my thighs wouldn’t be so big.


I am back down to 170’s. I am back in my size 10 pants. My cute clothes have been rescued and are no longer collecting dust. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME! The 212 pound Jordan would probably b**tch slap me right now for even thinking half that crap!!!

We need to stop letting the media tell us what we should look like. We need to stop being so hard on ourselves and be thankful for how wonderfully made our bodies are (they were made perfect in His eyes). We need to take a deep breath and stop putting ourselves down and instead give ourselves compliments. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others.

It’s time we not only take control of changing our bodies but also to take control of changing our minds!!!!

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