Saturday, July 12, 2014

The silver lining

Thursday as I sat on the couch in a daze, my wonderful husband packed my bag, booked us a hotel (in Dallas) and told me to get in the car. I had been stuck in the house for the past week on bed rest which I thought was protecting my baby. The last place I wanted to be was at home. 

We stayed at the Le Meriden Hotel for 2 wonderful, much needed, nights. Friday we spent the day shopping (will tell you what for in a bit) and talking (with each other and with The Lord). 

It dawned on me over dinner, what if this happened to helped Casey and I become even closer together? This was a 1st for both of us and we had to learn to lean on each other in a whole new way. Casey is a very quiet man, but hearing him open up about the loss of our child made me fall in love with him all over again. Having him hold me every time I broke down in tears out of the blue, made me fall in love all over again. Having him sit there and listen to me, as I rambled, cried, yelled, and prayed, made me fall in love all over again. 

We decided to see the silver lining in this all. God doesn't give us rain without a rainbow! 

Now for what we were shopping for. We both decided that we were going to make a build a bear and make it an angel bear. We are going to use this bear to help explain what happened to our baby  to Caleb. He wanted a sibling so badly and he's been so excited. We are going to tell him that he is a lucky little boy because he has a angel sibling that lives with God and that instead of a baby, we get this angel bear to keep! And that one day we will see the baby again in heaven.

The guy at build a bear (John at Stonebriar Mall) was a blessing to us. He asked if we were shopping for a special kid in our lives and we told him why were there. Tears filled our eyes and his too. He instantly dropped everything else he was working on and helped us out. He went above and beyond for us! He made our bear, said a prayer over our bears heart, gave us bear bucks to pay for our bear, and just let God shine through his heart! He was heaven sent for sure!! 

I am taking it one day at a time, that's all I can do right now. I am not in control (something hard for this control freak to admit) but I take peace in knowing God is in control. I am very thankful for my relationship with my Heavenly Father, more so now then ever before! 

Continued prayers are welcome! I feel good now but just like last night in the shower, I know i can break down crying at a drop of a hat. Thank you all for your kind words, prayers, love and support. You will never know how much it means to me. I felt so alone when I first found out, but with all your love and support, that feeling quickly faded. 


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