Monday, July 14, 2014

Trying to focus

If you know me at all, you know that when I am passionate about something I throw my entire life into that passion. I love being able to love to the fullest and show my love by my actions.

For example, I love Caleb. Oh God do I love that boy. Every where I go, I find something that reminds me of him. Heck even at work when I use a binder clip, I am reminded about how he LOVES to steal them when he comes for a visit. I love buying him special surprises. I love spoiling him. I love bragging about him. I just LOVE him! And like I said earlier, if you know me at all... you should already know this!

Casey. God. Fitness. Smore's. Parties. Crafts. Friends. Family. Nieces. I am so in love and the list could go on and on.

With this baby, nothing was different. From the minute I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to scream it from the roof tops! I was beaming with pride! I wanted everyone to know that the love of my life and I were about to start a new journey together. I was uber excited to give Caleb a sibling. Oh and the nursery... The nursery!!! I love crafts, I love to decorate and I loved that I had a house of my own this time around that allowed me to have a nursery! With Caleb, I lived with my sister and we shared a room so there wasn't much decorating going on. I was E-X-C-I-T-E-D!!!

I have had a couple people ask me if next time I get pregnant (and yes, there will be a next time) if I will end up not telling anyone until after my 1st trimester. If I "regret" my decision to announce it to the world so early?

My answer, HECK NO!!! I was excited and thrilled to share the joyful news with you all. And now looking back on the last couple days, I am happy I did share the good news with you because that means I was able to have an outlet to share the devastating news too.

I will be 110% honest, the past few days would have been hell if I had gone through them alone. I cant begin to tell you how many people have reached out to me. They have shared their prayers, well wishes, sympathy, stories, gave me hope and so much more. Each of you have helped me and I thank you!

The question I am left with now is where does all this passion go now? I am going to turn it inward and focus on myself. Focus on my prayer life. Focus on my fitness again (I have kind of fallen off the wagon). Focus on my happiness. Focus on Jordan. I owe to to myself, to my family and to my future baby!

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