"Keep Swimming" - Dory

I watched Nemo with Caleb the other day and Dory said "Keep Swimming" and it has stuck with me. Well this morning on the way into work, it popped back into my head and it reminded me that I have to keep pushing forward. Every day might not be good but something good happens everyday! Yesterday was a ROUGH day, but no matter how defeated I felt, no matter what the scale said and no matter if my pants fit me or not... Caleb ran into my arms at the daycare and embraced me and told me he loved me. He could careless if I was 300 pounds or 190 pounds. It made my day! I love that little boy so much, he really is my pride and joy and the reason I live. He is the reason I want to be healthy and lose this weight. So I am dusting off the defeat that I had weighing me down yesterday and I am going to keep swimming.

I went back through some pictures and found this one. It is from December 2009, just a couple months before starting my weight loss journey. I am going to use it as my reminder that I have come so far and I have conquered so much and I will not let my knee get in the way now. I might have gained back 30 pounds since hitting my 101 lost but I am still down 70 pounds. So with Caleb in my corner cheering me on, I am going to remember where I have come from and just keep swimming...

I have the BEST of friends

Long story short, my knee gave out today while walking 3.1 on the treadmill. I fell and hurt my other leg and now I feel defeated and just want to curl up in a ball and cry while eating a whole extra large pizza. Why do we get comfort in food?! Anyways, here is an email conversation between me and one of my very best friends, Jamie.

MY EMAIL TO JAMIE:

I feel so defeated. I keep breaking out in tears. I use to be able to do almost everything at the gym and now I cant even walk on a treadmill. Weight loss is something I am going to have to battle the rest of my life and it just sucks! I hate that I am so weak right now. I hate that if I eat one bad meal I am 10 pounds heavier and I cant fit into my shorts and I cant even go to the gym to run it off. I am so defeated.

JAMIE'S RESPONSE:

Alright Missy!! You are NOT defeated!! You are stronger then you think!! Seriously!!

I had 2 bad days this week with my ankle. For some reason it was giving me issues and it really hurt to do what I had to do. But, I pushed thru. And each workout I did I was the LAST one to finish by a long ways. So, it left me doing the workout by myself while everyone sat on the ground finished and they all just watched my struggle. Who likes to show weakness? Who likes to be the weak one?? NOT ME!! And I'm willing to bet that no one LIKES to be the weak one. But guess what? I finished. All those people that were watching me struggle have NO IDEA what it feels like to be me. They have no idea how bad my ankle and toes were hurting. They have no idea how bad I wanted to quit and run away. But, I finished. I sat on the ground and one of my friends said "jamie, you are such an inspiration to me because you push thru hard things" At that moment I ran outside and bawled my eyes out. It's nice of someone to say that to me, but at the same time, at that moment I felt like she would say that because I was so weak. To me, she just got done watching ME struggle. Know what I mean? I don't want people seeing me struggle.

Anyways... point of the story is... after I collected myself and really thought about it... I figured out that I am strong! And I'm a lot stronger then a lot of people (mentally). People quit when they have no limitations and no reasoning what-so-ever. It takes a lot of mental strength and determination to stick with a plan PERIOD! So put in pain, injury, whatever it may be into the equation... and if you can stick with it and not let it get to you- you really are STRONG!! And it's something to be proud of! So.. don't let your knee get to you. Just think, when that's all healed up and you can look back at all the struggles it took to get you back to where you were, you will be SO much stronger in the head and that will help you in all areas of your life. Really!! Don't give up. Show yourself that you are stronger then your knee... and that you aren't going to let your knee get in your way of having the life that you want. OK?? :)

Now.. go eat something healthy and breath deep, cry it out, laugh it off and KNOW THAT YOU ARE STRONG because you won't let your knee get in your way!! When so many other people would throw in the hat at the first sign of resistance!

She is 110% right! Thank God I have been blessed with some very amazing best friends because honestly without their love and support, I would be close to 300 pounds and never even have considered walking off a treadmill...! Thank you Jamie. Thank you Lo (had a meltdown on the phone with her earlier at the gym right after my fall). Thank you to everyone reading this... you guys/girls push me to keep going on and help pick me up when I fall (which I have been doing a lot of that lately, mentally and physically). It will get better... I mean its life, for every down we hit an up is right around the corner!!! So, here is to my next UP!

Back on track

Okay, I am officially done celebrating my birthday! My clothes and my scale had an intervention last night and said it was time to get back on track. Actually to be honest with you, I haven't been on the scale since the last time Casey and I weighed. (SHOCKED?!) Well... I had to weigh in with Lo the other day, but I didn't look at it. Starting fresh today with my healthy eating and getting my butt back into the gym. Last night I packed my meals for this whole week and brought them into work with me this morning. I also made a huge crock-pot chicken dinner that is currently cooking at home and will be mine and Caleb's dinner for the next week. I even packed my gym bag last night and sat it by the front door. I am prepared, even if that means I had to carry a backpack full of food, a gym bag and my purse all into work from my garage while carrying an umbrella so I didnt get wet... its called dedication!

Just to keep me accountable here is my plan:

Monday - gym for an hour on lunch. 30 minutes of treadmill (trying to build my speed up at a 2.7 right now... remember I had knee surgery, I am not usually a turtle). and then 30 minutes of weights and abs

Tuesday - Elliptical for an hour and then train with Lo after work

Wednesday - Repeat Monday

Thursday - Repeat Tuesday

Friday - 20 minutes walking on treadmill, 20 minutes bike, 20 minutes rowing.

Okay, purple shorts blog will start over next week and mine and Casey's weigh in will continue on Saturday... I will keep y'all posted! Have a great week everyone!

Back to the basics

Today I train for my 1st time since, ummm, forever! I hurt my knee in January and had surgery in April, so I think the last time I trained was early January or late December. I have to admit, I am VERY nervous. I am nervous that Lo will be disappointed in me for my weight, for my measurements, for my ability to perform. I know I am disappointed in myself for all those things. I have to keep reminding myself, I am not 265 anymore. I am below 200. It takes a year or so to recovery from a major surgery (which I had). I need to just go in with an open mind and as a "new" person who is having learn how to workout. Because basically that is what I am having to do.

No more jumping, no more lunges, no more squats, no more walking inclines (for now), and no more running... Those are all things I hated anyways but those are all things that I know get the job done. It will be a whole new world tonight and as excited as I am for that, I am also very nervous and scared of change. I find it kind of funny that I am not really scared of the physical, its all the mental side. I have always known how to lose the weight but I have never been able to fully change the mental part... maybe this is Gods way of helping me to that. I have goals and I know if I want to meet those goals, Lo is the woman to help me do that. Wish me luck (mentally and physically) and please say a prayer for me tonight around 5...

The weigh in from H-E-double hockey sticks!

So like I wrote yesterday, I knew this weigh in would suck... just didn't know how badly. Well we weighed in this morning and I gained 1.8 pounds and Casey gained exactly 2 pounds. So in theory, I won BUT we both decided that if we gained then we both lost. Its the only fair way to do it.

We had a conversation last night about what we need to change in our lives to not let this happen agian. Casey talked about how he needs to get motivated and be better about going to the gym... lifting and doing cardio. He is perfect on his diet and food doesn't phase him one bit (man he is lucky). I said that I need to really zone in on my eating, not cheat as much. I am really good about the gym and I start back with Lo (my oh so amazing trainer) next week so that I can learn more workouts that I can do since having my surgery. Now just have to get focused on my eating.

Next week is my birthday and I am using a "No Weigh-In" pass for the next weigh in. I have way to many plans next week that have to do with food... I am going to try my best to be good and eat healthy and make it to the gym, but I am also going to enjoy my birthday week and live life to the fullest. Its the only birthday I get all year so I am going to enjoy it.

Hope you all have a GREAT weekend and remember its not a diet, its a lifestyle change.

Frustration

Don't you just wish you were born a Greek goddess?! You would be so dadgum pretty, you wouldn't be overweight and well you could eat whatever you wanted. Man life would be great. Well, to bad that didn't happen. I hate the hold that food has on me, I wish I could just quit food. People who have bad habits like smoking, drinking, drugs... they can quit (it might be hard) and still live. But my addiction is something you have to have to survive... UGH!

Can you tell I am frustrated? It is like I can just look at food and gain 5 pounds... don't even get me started about how much I gain if I actually eat it. Does anyone else have this problem or am I the only one? Funny story actually, I was craving sweets the other night (go figure) and the only thing I had in my house that was sweet were those "cute" little 90 calorie fiber one cookies. Well, I ate 3! Heat them up and they are even better. Who eats 3 fiber cookies in one sitting?? I guess, it was better then waking up Caleb and driving to Braum's (yes that thought went through my head).

I tried on my purple shorts this morning and I don't know if I am just stretching them out with trying them on each week or whatever, but they are fitting better. The muffin top wasn't as much today. Slowly getting there... 5 more weeks til we cruise (it was moved up a week to 9/24). Casey asked me the other day what if I don't make it to my goal before we cruise, will I still wear the purple shorts? I gave him a "are you really asking me that question" look and replied "I WILL wear those shorts on that boat even if I have to duct tape them onto me!" We then sat in silence for a few minutes. I think he was to scared to laugh... Hahaha!

Tomorrow is weigh day (since we are going to Lubbock)... I think I am going to put rocks in Casey's shorts so that he will lose this week, this girl really needs to win to boost my motivation!

Beat by 0.02%

Saturday was Casey’s birthday so when I woke up in the morning, I decided to go ahead and weigh in and measure without waking him up. I was so excited when I weighed and lost another pound (187.2) and lost another inch on my waist! Friday night was tough; we went to dinner, movies and then had drinks with friends. I was on my BEST behavior and didn’t have one chip, any popcorn and drank water… So I was VERY proud of that 1 pound I lost. Since Casey and I are going by % lost instead of pounds, I figured it up and wrote down on our chart... lost 0.52%.

I went and woke up the old man basically bragging about how I just beat him on the scale. You see, while I was being good and not eating or drinking on Friday night… he was downing beers left and right. Which was fine, it was his birthday weekend… just meant I was going to win weigh in!! He went and weighed and lost 2 pounds (really Casey, really) and then I measured him and he lost 0.5 inch on his waist line. I figured up his % lost and just by looking at the number I knew I had him beat, but I went ahead and did the math anyways (to rub it in his face). Remember, I lost 0.52%.... he lost (drum roll please) 0.54%. REALLY… REALLY?! HE BEAT ME BY 0.02%... GAY! He drank and ate bad, didn’t workout once and still won. Man guys suck! They have it so easy and they don’t even know it.

Oh well, it was his birthday so I guess its okay that he won (again). Really though, I am very proud of him and as long as we are both losing, then that is all that matters. He is down a size in shirts, he has lost a size in pants, I am back in my medium t-shirts comfortably, and the purple shorts are fitting better each and every week!

This upcoming weigh in will be held on Friday instead of Saturday due to us going out of town this weekend. We are going to good ole’ Lubbock Texas to see some of the most amazing people in the world (The Frazier’s) and to have Caleb’s 3 year old birthday pictures taken. 3 years old, I can NOT believe my son is almost 3…

Y’all have a great week and I will blog again after I try on my purple shorts this week!

Success!

This Saturday is my oh so wonderful, oh so handsome, oh so amazing (the list could go on and on, really) boyfriends birthday! I have a whole day of excitement planned out and then a party planned for the evening. Since planning this party, I have set my mind on wearing my jean skirt. When we started this competition, the skirt was tight and very uncomfortable. Well ladies and gentlemen, the skirt fits! Oh happy day!!! I can NOT wait to wear it on Saturday night with some heels or wedges... really show off my long legs! Holla!

Speaking of things fitting... I tried on my purple shorts last night. The waist still fits the same as last week, still tighter then I want it to be. But they button and zip, so that is good... just need to get rid of the dang muffin top! Just because the zip, don't mean they fit! The part I am very excited about is my legs. I can really tell a loss in inches in my thighs while wearing the shorts. Putting these shorts on every week has really helped me with not falling into a deep depression about the scale. It just goes to show, inches really do matter more then what the scale says. Do I still want to hit 165, you better believe it. But now I am also really excited about the inches I am losing!

Oh so I have to brag for a second... Casey usually wears 2XL shirts. Well, the past couple weeks you can REALLY tell a difference in his stomach and chest area. Last night Caleb let Casey open his birthday present (Caleb wont be with us this weekend) and it was a XL Texas Rangers shirt. Casey put it on and it fit him perfectly!!! He has lost a size in his shirts... this just makes me that much more prouder of him! Way to go babe, way to go!

Weekends Suck!

I have a love/hate relationship with the weekend. I love it because its 2 days I dont have to get up and go to work BUT its also 2 days that I am not on a tight schedule (which means my eating is thrown off). This weekend I have to say I didn't do all that bad, until Sunday. Friday I ate fine, mostly because weigh in was on Saturday. After weigh in (that I lost to Casey again, ugh) I did good for breakfat, lunch I chose to eat at home instead of out and about with Casey and Caleb, and dinner was at a Gender Reveal party at Salt Grass and I ordered a chicken sandwich with a side salad and did not eat my fires. I did have a cupcake, heck I had to find out the sex of the baby... it's a BOY! Congrats to Callie and Scott (Casey's cousins).

Sunday is where my weekend went all down hill. I blogged last week about Mother Nature.. well you see how my body works is that one week I am all moody and hormonal and then the next week I start. Last week was the bad, bitchy week and well yesterday I started. The 1st day I can't seem to get full, all I want to do is eat, eat, eat, and eat some more. It was made worse because it happened on a weekend which means I wasnt stuck at work with limited food choices... Caleb decided he wanted to go to Mexico, so we went to Rosa's. Ugh! Then Casey decided he wanted to make homemade pizza for our dinner/movie night. We tried to make it as healthy as we could but it still probably wasn't the best choice. I was STUFFED by bedtime last night. Oh did I mention that I spilt a candy bar with Caleb? And by spilt, I mean he got 1/4 and I got 3/4...!

Today is a new day, I will not live in guilt of yesterday but instead push forward and start over today. I have all my meals planned out and at work ready to go. I have my gym schedule laid out and I am ready to attack it. Hopefully by Saturday, Aunt Flow will decide to leave and with a little hard work, I can hopefully lose something on the scale (or atleast break even)... Here is to a new day!

4.67% Body Fat Loss

One of us lost 4.67% body fat % this week and one us stayed the exact same... The winner is... Casey Joe!

Losing twice in a row sucks! Haha, BUT I am so very proud of Casey. He lost 4.0 pounds this week and 3.25 inches in his waist. He rocked the scale. Me on the other hand, I only lost 0.8 pounds BUT I lost 1.5 inches in my wasit and 2.5 inches in my hips... My body fat % stayed the same. Dang!

I think I am going to bypass 'Fat Kid Saturday' and really stick with my meal plan instead. I am ready for another good loss on the scale, I am ready to be back down inthe 160's. I know my inches are what matter but I a addicted to the scale and I want to hit that 164 again.

As for Casey, his goal this week is to start lifting weights at the gym. He has been doing just cardio and he said when he got down to the 250's he would start. He is now 256.2, so let the lifting begin!

Results:

Casey went from 260.2lbs to 256.2lbs = lost 4.0lbs

Body fat % went from 31.70% to 27.03% = lost 4.67%

I went from 189.0lbs to 188.2lbs = lost 0.8lbs

Body fat % went from 29.01% to 29.01% = broke even

Partner Training

Everyday on lunch me and the girls at my office walk over to Larry North and spend an hour working out. Most of the time we do our own thing but today me and another girl (Carly) decided to start partner training together. It was actually really good for me. I love a good competition and even though we aren't really competing against each other, she gives me that boost to go longer and harder with more weight. Today we decided to do cardio, arms and abs. Arms and abs are my 2 main target areas, so this workout is a much needed workout. I have noticed that since I have been doing the row machine that my arms are toning up some, but like everything else, they still need more work.

Our workout today:
20 minutes of cardio - we chose to do the elliptical
10 reps (weight 10 pounds) of:
- Bicep curls into shoulder presses & back down
- Tricep extensions
- Dips
***Repeat the cycle 3 times
Partner Abs
- Sit up ball throw
- back to back side ball pass
***Repeat 3 times (20 reps the 1st, 15 the 2nd and 10 the 3rd)
Stretch

Tomorrow we will do legs...! Keep checking back for our new workouts we make up and if you have any good pointers or ideas, let me know!

Purple Shorts take 3

This morning I woke up EXTRA early (for no reason at all) and had a lot of time to kill before leaving the house. I decided to pass the time and go ahead and try the purple shorts on instead of waiting til tonight to do so. Todays verdict was that the shorts aren't as tight around my thighs. I could tell maybe a slight difference in the picture but the true results where how they felt on my legs. I have been doing a different leg machine or workout each day, trying to target different areas and trying to build back up my right leg (surgery leg)... and obviously its working!

This week started off very rough, yesterday it was a bit better and then this morning, I felt like myself again. The side effects of Mother Nature are gone and I have returned back to normal. Thank God! With that being said, I am now excited about weigh in on Saturday morning. Casey is SO going down! I have stuck to my plan (gotta have a plan to keep going) by working out and eating clean. Even last night, Casey and I celebrated his last weeks win by going to see the movie Ted. We both decided to eat at home (turkey breast, whole wheat pasta and beans) and then when we got to the movies, we both passed on the concession stand. Losing weight and saying no to temptations is so much easier when you have an accountablility partner.

Counting down the days til this weeks weigh in... And counting down the days til I step on the cruise boat wearing those purple shorts (60 days)!!!!