I know I have slacked the past couple of weeks... I could give you an excuse but we both will know its lame so I will spare you the pain of reading it. Bottom line, that fire inside me hasn't fully been started and it keeps dying out way to quickly. But boy oh boy it became lite fully on last Saturday morning... Sit back and relax as I tell you a story that brought me to tears!
Last Saturday I was in the bathroom getting ready for our busy busy BUSY day... Casey and Caleb come walking in there and Casey gets on the scale. He weighs in at 270.0 and says "Man I really need to get this under 250". Now a number is just a number and it doesnt define you, but it can play mean and nasty tricks with you mind. Also, if you know that number you also need to know this number, his height (which is 6'3). Someone who is 5'10 can weigh 270 and look (and feel) way worse then someone who is 6'3 and weighs that. I am 5'10 and I should be weighing about 150-175... which for the past couple of weeks I have been playing around in the 180's. I haven't stepped on the scale in awhile and so after he stepped off, I decided to step on. Something I have never done in front of him... I stepped on thinking the worse will be about low 190's. Ha! I was wrong. I weighed in at exactly 200.0 lbs. I instantly felt defeated. I asked Casey to take Caleb to the living room and I laid in the fetal position on my bed and cried. How can I have let myself get this out of hand? I can say it was because my knee, but what does that have to do with how bad I have been eating? As I laid there and cried, I talked to myself and tried to wrap my head around it. Something just clicked (I think it was the fire inside of me burning at its full potential). I got up, went to the kitchen, threw away ALL of the junk food in the house and then sat next to Casey on the couch. I went into detail how my weight loss is either black (hardcore losing) or white (hardcore not caring), that there is no inbetween and that he is about to see a side of me that he has never seen before. Since that morning, I have been doing very well... The girls at work are even amazed at my ability to shut out the world of crappy foods. I am in this to win this now, I promise you and even more importantly I promise myself.
Casey and I decided that we would make a game out of the weight loss journey the next couple of months. We have a date night once a week and so we decided on Saturday mornings we will weigh in and whoever loses the most weight can pick the date for the next week and the other person has to pay for it (with in reason). You all know how badly I like to win, so let the games begin! Since Saturday, I have been active every day. Sunday I got the boys up and made them take a walk with me. Monday-Thursday I will be going to the gym on my lunch and doing atleast 45 minutes of cardio and then some strength training and core work (as much as my knee allows me to do). Friday-Sunday will be my "off" days from the gym, but I will try and get in some kind of walking on the weekends. I have joined My Fitness Pal and have been hardcore tracking my foods and well as my work outs and I even sat down last night and planned out 2 weeks of meals and prepared grocery list to make it "easier". I will not let this fire burn out, I will NOT let my Mother win... She was the one who said "Never say Never" to me losing my weight and telling her I was not going to gain it all back. (Crappy thing for a Mom to say, right?!)
I do want you to know that I really struggled with posting this blog because I was ashamed of telling everyone I hit 200.0lbs again. But then I realized, its a part of my story, its a part of my life... Someone out there is struggling with exactly what I am and me sharing this could help them out. Saturday is mine and Casey's 1st weigh in to see who wins, lets just say I think our next date night will be picked my yours truly! I'll keep ya posted!
Oh and favor... You are all my friends and my loved ones, please help me! Please dont pressure me into doing something I will regret. Please ask me to do things that will get me active instead of being a bump on a log. Please help remind me of how happy I was when I hit my 100lb loss. Please remind me that 160's are calling my name! I will get there and you can beat your sweet bottom on it... It might not be before my 27th birthday in August, but I will get there. I am hoping by my birthday I am back to the low 180's or lower. Here goes nothing!
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